


Christmas Crackers, Yuletide Yonder, And Festive Fuck-Up's

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Background Relationships, Boys In Love, British, British Comedy, British English, British Slang, Christmas, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Christmas Presents, Christmas Special, Comedy, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor, Kissing, Love, M/M, Mates, Paganism, Platonic Relationships, Relationship(s), Roman Catholicism, Secrets, Surprises, Swearing, Sweet, Theatre, True Love, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28284999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: It's fun and games when the "WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF I LIE TO YOU" UNIVERSE does Christmas. Vernon decides to write the Bible Nativity as a comedy and turn it into a play for Joshua for Christmas, and, Chan becomes a Dad for a month when new wife Christine-Elena volunteers to look after her friends baby full-time. Between bribing Catholic curates and making priests want to give up the job, festive frolics are rude as Seventeen take on the Birth of Jesus Christ
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Jeon Wonwoo, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Kim Mingyu, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Lee Chan | Dino, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Jeon Wonwoo/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Kim Mingyu/Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8, Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Seokmin | DK, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 32
Kudos: 2





	1. CHAPTER ONE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fantasyhamster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantasyhamster/gifts).



> To the very lovely and precious Haf, here is your Christmas present :)) It's a absolute delight of all things British and all things human and tender. I hope you enjoy this so much. Have a wonderful Christmas, babi
> 
> Love, the insane little Welsh pagan lady xxx

It was a week before Christmas, and, Chan was very happy entwined with his Scandinavian Pagan wife Christine-Elena in bed in her Edwardian-period home, mildly crumbling with dodgy plumbing and the odd bit of mouse-nibbled rug, in the middle of Seoul city. It was going to be their first Christmas as a married couple, and, for all of Chan's mate-blood essentially - Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, Junhui, Mingyu, Wonwoo, Wonwoo's partner Woosung, Minghao, Seokmin, Soonyoung, Jihoon, Vernon, and Seungkwan, it was their first Christmas with Chan as a married man, and, most important of all, a married man to Christine-Elena.

God help me, Chan thought. He peered across at Christina-Elena, asleep on his arm, nestled on her side that faced him, hands curled up into gentle fists and pressed up against the base of her throat with her hips and legs raised in a mild fetous-curve position by Chan's body. God help us. Chan then changed his mind. No, God with your furry bits, just help me, mate, for fuck's sake, please

-

"Oh, this is going to be fucking great." Vernon rubbed his hands together happily. He gazed down at a script he had finished writing, begun the week before, and, he was very pleased with it. 

Wonwoo blew a smoke ring at the ceiling, lying with his head in Minghao's lap on the couch in Vernon and Seungkwan's sitting room, and, Soonyoung and Seokmin, also dropping by, dutifully and correctly applauded.

"Taught you good, huh?" Minghao cooed.

"Woah, there, BDSM Dom." Vernon remarked, grinning to himself as he wrote notes on a sheet of paper on top of the drinks cabinet that had the bottles cleared off the top so he could use it as a writing desk briefly with a chair from the kitchen. Seokmin and Soonyoung were currently looking after the grog, and, Soonyoung had made them all laugh by carressing and cradling a five-year-old bottle of Smirnoff Vodka, intended to be kept as a vintage, the bottle un-opened, before pretending to burp the bottle as one did a baby after feeding time. Seungkwan, who had been cleaning the bathroom upstairs, had come down at the sound of Seokmin laughing, and, faintly smelling of bleach, and settled on the rug in front of the telly while Seokmin and Soonyoung sat on beer crates of Vernon's in front of the heater.

Minghao snorted a soft laugh. "He always said you had a nice arse." Minghao said of Vernon to Seungkwan, blinking slowly in a way that he knew completely transcended anyone caught beneath his gaze at that mode.

Seungkwan's mouth fell open gently, the colour blowing in his eyes.

Minghao smirked, hearing the aggravated "You son of a bitch!" bouncing around inside Vernon's scalp.

"Pah!" Minghao softly murmured. "Do the heart." He instructed Wonwoo.

Wonwoo hooked his thumb just beneath the dry curve of his upper lip, and, as he carefully breathed out the next mouthful of smoke to make the smoke ring, it transformed, and, Seokmin and Soonyoung clapped avidly.

"Vern?" Seungkwan said. 

A huge grin bloomed on Minghao's face.

"...Yeah?" Vernon barely managed. 

"Don't ever say anything like that again."

Vernon's eyebrows shot up, and, everyone looked at Seungkwan.

"At least not in front of him!" Seungkwan jabbed a finger violently at Minghao.

Naturalism was restored.

"How are we actually going to do this?" Wonwoo asked Vernon.

Vernon twisted around on the kitchen seat from the drink's cabinet. "How'd you mean, mate?" He answered.

"Actors, hall hire, plus church approval. Yes, it's 20something - and I won't add the second bit so if Haf wants to read this on repeat she can and then I found that if I mentioned 2020 it means we have coronavirus and that doesn't work - and even in this year if you have to have a nativity you have to get the permission from the local parish council and priest." Wonwoo explained.

"Well, that's that done then." Minghao's remarked mixed with Seokmin's, "Shit, Wonu's right."

"Leave it all to me." Vernon held up his hands. "The Vernmeister shall handle any and all things."

"Including Kwannie's bum." Minghao smirked.

"Priiiiiiiick...." Vernon said pointedly and hissingly, glaring with wide eyes at the back of Minghao's head and putting his index and middle fingers on one hand in front of his mouth, moving them back and forth like viper fangs, poised to strike.

"Biiiiiiiitch...." Soonyoung and Seokmin added their own version, doing the same fang gesture to Minghao who pretended to tremble with fright.

"Arse-hoooooooooooooooooole!" Seungkwan crowed, flipping Minghao the v's.

Wonwoo, Vernon, Seokmin, Soonyoung and even Minghao burst out laughing as Seungkwan bristled indignantly. 

-

"Christ, when - what - why - when is this fucking happening?!" Chan gawped at his wife, and, the phone now pressed to her breasts to stop her friend on the other end of the line hearing Chan having a fit. 

"This week." 

"Over Christmas?"

"Ja, darlin'."

"A fucking baby?!"

-

The first person Chan told was Jeonghan. Leaving a highly un-bothered Christine-Elena at her house - the woman in question was more than used to Chan having a bit of a heart attack about most occurences in her life and then their life together - Chan sped around to Sylvia Jenkin's old house on his KTM motorcycle, and, found Jeonghan asleep on the couch in the sitting room while Minghao typed in the dining room, Sylvia's door having been un-locked and free to open.

"And - WAKE UP!" Chan clapped his hands together by Jeonghan who was asleep lengthways on the chesterfield couch in a black silk dressing gown and the fire roaring away warmly in the grate.

Jeonghan jerked awake, falling off the couch.

As he got to his knees and went to blast Chan, Chan blurted, "WE'RE HAVING A BABY!"

Jeonghan shrieked.

Minghao came racing into the sitting room just as Chan shouted, "NOT MY BABY!"

"The whore!" Jeonghan's mouth fell open.

"NO!" Chan practically bounced up and down fitfully. "Her friend wants us to take care of her baby full-time over Christmas so she and her husband can do some insane Scandinavian Gothi ritual back in Denmark."

"So you ARE having a baby!" Jeonghan gawped up at him. 

Only then the two of them noticed Minghao in the doorway, Jeonghan looked around Chan's hip and Chan look behind him as he saw Jeonghan looking. 

Both Chan and Jeonghan went to tell Minghao what had happened, but, Minghao held up a hand for silence.

"Vernon needs us to be nativity actors for a biblical play he's written for Shua for Christmas."

Jeonghan and Chan looked at each other before looking to Minghao.

"....What...?"

-

The nativity was to be shown on Christmas Eve, and, Vernon with the help of Wonwoo sorted out a few things.

The only way they were going to get the permission of a Catholic priest to use his church hall for the nativity was to send around a extremely sexy and intelligent woman for morning tea that would make his testicles shrink and his brain swell.

And hopefully not some other particular fleshy organ.

"Ages and ages ago I put Kwannie on a date with this girl," Vernon told Wonwoo. "I'll ring her up. But then he did walk out on her."

"How does she feel about that?" Wonwoo asked.

"Well, the only reason Kwan did it, is, because, one, he thought she was too good for him, and, there were other things going on." Vernon dismissed the other half of the reasoning vaguely. Wonwoo peered at him through his thick-lensed glasses. Vernon refused to give in. "Give us a sec." He went to the pantry and returned with some crips, opening the foil bag efficently and immediately pinching a couple. "What? Felt like salty potato." Vernon said when Wonwoo raised an eyebrow. "Anyway, I'll text her now and she'll call me, she's a nice girl like that. Her name is Ruby by the way."

"Why don't you step out with her?" Wonwoo asked, leaning his chin into his hands that curved upwardly either side of his face, elbows on the table.

Vernon shrugged mildly, shaking his head. "I've got Kwan's to look after, mate." He answered.

Wonwoo smiled gently, glancing down to the table.

"That's a very nice thing to say about a friend." He said after a while.  
Vernon looked at him with a distinct glow about his features. "We're right as we are." He said softly. "Just don't spread it around, ok, we're happy as we are, private, but, it's not private for being yucky, y'know?"

Wonwoo nodded, understanding. 

Vernon's phone rang.

"That girl is a fucking legend!" He hissed triumphantly. He put his phone on speaker-phone as he answered. "Hello, my love, how are we and your lovely assets today?"

Wonwoo snorted a laugh. 

"You rude bugger." A pretty voice answered. "Everything is fine, thank you very much, but, I have a small problem."

"Can I help?" Vernon grinned at Wonwoo.

"I've tried everything - waxing, shaving, buzzing, creaming - but my pubic hair and leg hair won't come off." Ruby explained.

Wonwoo covered his face with his hands as Vernon cackled.

"Oh, I've got a friend like that." He answered casually. "Her name's Christine-Elena - she's Chan's woman and they got married in the Summer."

"Oh!" The girl exclaimed. "Congratulations to them. So, when's the baby due?"

"Oh, no, no, we're not getting into that territory." Vernon pulled a yucky face. "Love, got a question for you." 

"Oh, God, what?" Ruby sighed

"Doll yourself up and entrance a priest for me?" Vernon asked sweetly.

Dead silence met him.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Ruby said.


	2. CHAPTER TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vernon and Wonwoo manage to get their jaw-droppingly offensive script passed by the Catholic Priest of the West city Parish due to Ruby bringing out her womanly charms, and, Joshua has to tell his Mother in America that he won't be coming home for Christmas. It's during this phone call that Seungcheol finds out about Vernon's nativity, and, even though every synapse of his being screams no, Seungcheol agrees to be part of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages and ages ago in WDIMIILTY Haf, I went to write a girlfriend for Seungkwan, and, this is who Ruby is, but, I decided to cut that, so, all that ever came of Ruby in WDIMIILTY was a girl who missed out on a evening out and never quite found out why. The reason was that Seungkwan couldn't shake the idea of being with Vernon and Ruby was too good a young woman to waste time with, so, that was that :) But, now, she returns and plays an integral role because she fills in the spots that usually Sylvia Jenkins would have done before death or, presently, Christine-Elena, but, as far as this all goes, her devout Paganism stops her, so, we have Ruby :)

Ruby was young woman with thick, black hair like Yoko Ono's and a round-square face with a straight nose, severely monolidded eyes, big lips, a thick jaw, and a gorgeous but healthy body.

Driven down to the left-corner side of the block where the church and it's hall that Vernon was after was located, Ruby and Wonwoo were the passenger's of Vernon's work Toyota Hiace van. Ruby was wearing nude-cream lip-gloss with flawless skin and minimal nude-brown shades of eye-makeup in a pretty ankle-length linen dress that Vernon had picked out for her, especially. Wonwoo had thought that Ruby would be offended, but, she laughed over the whole thing. "Can I be the Virgin Mary?" She asked Vernon, treating the whole ruse as just another party of the nativity play, finding out from Vernon the scripture of his comedic take of the bible story as they drove through the city from he and Seungkwan's quiet cul-de-sac cottage home. Ruby was wearing a light blue dress with three-quart. sleeves, a round neck, a ankle-length hem with a slit up the back of her skirt to just below her knee so it was easier to walk with light pink ballet flats and a lemon-yellow cardigan with loose 1960's hair, a pony-tail down her back with amild bouffant shape.

"Go for the attractive and artsy-fartsy but sweet and gorgeous and good-meaning look." Vernon had said over the clothes. "And still respectful for his position as a bible-basher leader."

Ruby smiled happily as she climbed out of the van, her two dimples popping up in her cheeks, waving at the boys. "Be back soon!" She promised, and, Vernon sighed as she wandered off down the footpath, her hips swishing from side to side slightly. 

"Is she dating anybody?" Wonwoo asked.

"No, but you are, so don't you even think about it, matey." Vernon promptly put Wonwoo back into his place. 

-

I've got two horns growing on my head but I love it, Ruby thought to herself as she was settled by the Priest's housekeeper in the sitting room off the cottage within the Church grounds, and, soon, she was joined by a middle-aged, healthily thin, tan-skinned, thick-haired Japanese-featured man with two steep lines beginning around his eyes, but, not making him look completely unattractive.

"I was told you needed to see me about the lease of the hall on Christmas Eve?" He asked her pleasantly. Ruby knew her nice nature of dress and sense of cleanliness probably improved his manner to her rather than being suspicious about this woman who wasn't one of his congregation.

"Yes." She smiled. "My partner and our friends have a friend from America, from Los Angeles, who is a devout Catholic and comes from a devout Catholic family and we thought that a Christmas present for him would be to write a nativity to then stage in your hall, if you would let us?"

The Priest was quite speechless for a few moments. "Oh, goodness me, I beg your pardon, but that is the first time I've ever heard such a thing." He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. He was dressed in a black button-up shirt and cuffed sleeves with a pristine white-dog-collar, a grey bobble-knit cardigan, black trouser's and black shoes with socks with christmas reindeer on them. Ruby couldn't help but smile at him.

-

"I thought we'd have Chrissie as the Virgin Mary." Wonwoo told Vernon. They had stopped off at McDonald's and were now eating it in the back of Vernon's van where Vernon had a old blanket laid out to stop he and Wonwoo's trousers getting sawdust on them from where he carted electrical and building supplies, now running his boss's business, the man having died from pancreatic cancer months and months ago. 

"She's Pagan and Scandi, I don't reckon she'd agree to it, mate." Vernon said around a mouthful of chips.

"But we're taking the piss out of Christians and the nativity." Wonwoo explained his point. "I thought she'd jump at the chance."

"Well, then, we'd have to have Chan as Josheph." Vernon replied.

"And why not?" Wonwoo raised an eyebrow.

"Because I wanted Chan to be one of the Kings." Vernon said.

"And what am I?" Wonwoo inquired.

"You'll be one of the wise men." Vernon pointed at him sharply.

Wonwoo smiled.

"According to the bible specifically that Shua grew up with, I checked, there's three wise men, three kings, three shepards, mary, joseph, the angel, bubba jesus, a few dozen farm animals, the inn-keeper and his wife, then, the narrator for the whole thing." Vernon explained. "Oh, does Woosung want to be apart of it?"

Wonwoo sipped his tea. When he had ordered it Vernon and scoffed and had said that he had to be the only bloke in the world to order a cuppa at Macca's. 

"I'll have to ask him." He ventured. "Is it alright if he doesn't?"

"No worries, mate." Vernon gestured with his hands.

"Whose going to be who?" Wonwoo asked.

Vernon sighed. "I'm still having a think, let's see how Ruby goes with this fucking Priest." He simply answered.

-

"Thank you very much, Dong Geun." Ruby kissed the Priest's cheek, and, the man trembled slightly, a dizzy smile hovering on his mouth. "It'll all be in good faith and fun." Ruby waved and walked down to the church-yard gates, a box of biscuits in hands, and, waved again as she closed the gate behind her bottom which she considered ever-expanding, and, walked back down the road to where Vernon and Wonwoo were parked.

She knocked on the passenger window before trying the door and finding it was open. She peered into the back of the van and looked at the two young men.

"Why can I smell Macca's?" She asked.

"We can nip back and get you something?" Vernon offered.

"I'll have KFC." Ruby grinned. "We've got the hall, guys." She got a key out of the bust of her dress and dangled it at them. 

"LOVE YOU!" Vernon crowed while Wonwoo nodded his head respectively. Vernon shifted he and Wonwoo's second breakfast over to the side, clambered to the front of the van, over the centre-console, into the front passenger seat, and, warmly kissed Ruby on the mouth. 

Wonwoo looked away, unable to help smiling though a bit embarrassed. 

And, as Vernon drove to the nearest KFC, Ruby reflected that it was a pity Catholic priests had to be celibate, but, then again, a quivering middle-aged man was the best target when you needed to wrangle a task for self-enjoyment.

-

Joshua had no idea what was going to hit him come Christmas Eve.

"Hey, Mum." He talked into his phone, sitting at the kitchen table in what was still techinically he, Seungcheol and Jeonghan's apartment though Jeonghan was often at Sylvia Jenkin's house with Minghao, and, Joshua lived 95% of the time with Minghao at his house across the road. Joshua had come to visit Seungcheol, and, Seungcheol cooked pork, rice, vegetables as Joshua had a coffee and rang his parents for their routine once-a-week chat. Joshua smiled as he heard her voice. "How are you and Dad?" He asked. "How's Nan? Did she see that Doctor about her arthirtis?"

Seungcheol listened in a bit as Joshua talked. Joshua was speaking in English, and, Seungcheol knew it was quite rude, but, he was always a bit interested to know what Joshua told his parents, especially about all of them.

"Yeah, yeah, the last time I talked to her she had to have the phone balanced on a Vera Lynn record on her vanity table because she had her hands soaking in hot water because they were all swollen up." Joshua and his Mother talked about his Grandmother's arthiritic troubles. "She got the lady from next door with the new baby who visits her on the weekend for morning tea to send a picture of her hands to me. Look like slamai's with call nails..."

Seungcheol went into the pantry to search around for groundnut oil.

"Yeah, Mum." Joshua nodded softly, speaking softly also. "Yeah, maybe next year I'll be home for Christmas. Yeah...yeah, I know." He smiled a little bit. "You're not going to let Dad near a barbeque again are you? Not after last year? I still can't work out how one prawn falling through the grill onto the coals nearly set the whole thing and him on fire." Joshua chuckled lowly. "Oh, no seafood this year? Yeah, yep, hm, probably best to just put a turkey or a chicken in the oven, yeah..."

Coming out of the pantry, Seungcheol stubbed his bare toes on the sliding door. Completely oblivious, Joshua talked to his Mother while Seungcheol hopped around in agony, gritting his teeth against making noise and holding his foot, his face all scrunched up with a bottle of groundnut oil tucked under his arm and a jar of ground all-spice under the other.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck fuck! Seungcheol swore silently to himself.

He eventually recovered, and transferred the cubed pork to a disposable foil tray and put it into a low oven to keep it warm while he cooked the breakfast rice, all fat and short grains, and cut up the greens to then wilt gently in a steamer over the boiling pot of rice. Normally neither he or Joshua wouldn't be this extravagant, but, they hadn't sat down together with each other for ages, and, Jeonghan had been out the door by half-five that morning, creeping about gently as to not wake Seungcheol up, but, inevitably doing it slightly as he clattered a bottle in the fridge. 

"And is Bob walking yet?" Joshua asked about his parents god-child. "Oh, hitting people! Oh, God!" 

Seungcheol smiled at the sight of Joshua laughing.

"Why's he hitting people? What, is it a baby thing, learning to fight or something?" Joshua asked his Mother. "Oh, and looking at the faces of the hurt people to see how they react." Joshua laughed again even though he knew it was a bit rude. His Mother had been playing with Bob's toy trucks on the floor with him and he had gonged her over the head with a wooden spoon that his Dad gave him to play with. "Did I do that?" Joshua asked. "Oh, mainly to Dad, that's alright, then." He grinned. After a few more minutes, he swirled his coffee in his mug. "Yeah, love you too, Mum." Joshua said softly. Seungcheol gazed over again, knowing the call was coming to an end as he got out a serving plate to put the rice, pork and lightly steam-wilted vegetables on. "No, haven't got the card yet, but, soon will. You know what the post is like here, absolute pain in the arse." He grinned and chuckled again. "Bye Mum, love you, tell Dad I love him too. See you." Joshua hung up the phone.

"All good." Seungcheol brought over breakfast to the table, and, Joshua grinned. Seungcheol was in a grey t-shirt and navy jocks, and, where Joshua once might have told him to stop being gay and put on some clothes, Joshua didn't mind at all, now. 

"Everything ok?" Seungcheol asked, and, so for the rest of the meal, Joshua recounted his Grandmother's stubbornness about seeing a Doctor over her arthiritis, his parents christmas plans, how his Mother had insisted on a roast bird this year instead of barbequed sea-food, and, with that, Joshua told Seungcheol about how last year a prawn had slipped down onto the live coals of the barbeque, and, had nearly set the contraption and his Father on fire.

Seungcheol at that point in time didn't know about Vernon's Christmas plans for Joshua, but, he found out just before ten 'o' clock while Joshua had a go at running over pedestrains on Grand Theft Auto on the PS3 - that was the only thing he liked about the game, just randomly killing pedestrains. 

"So, I wanted you to be one of the kings, if you would." Vernon told Seungcheol at the end of the half-hour conversation, Seungcheol hiding in the bathroom.

"Oh my fucking God." Seungcheol said of the whole plan.

"Come on, it's not a big thing to do." Vernon commented.

"No, I just mean...it's a bit of a shock, Vern." Seungcheol scoffed incredulously.

"Oh, come on, say yes." Vernon insisted. "Please?"

And, despite every synapse of his being screaming no, Seungcheol agreed. 


	3. CHAPTER THREE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan frets with anxiety over the arrival of the baby, and, he even goes to the length to organizing Minghao too look after the baby when he was supposed to be doing it. Christine-Elena gets her way in the end. Vernon makes his casting list, and, they prepare the church hall for the production, and, the first rehearsals and costume checks take place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much writing the truck scene XD I see that roughly three times a day and more from when I was a little girl and my Dad was working and Indian delivery drivers were constantly coming to our factories because their GPS gave the wrong directions :) Some of Vernon's rant is actually my dear old Dads XD

Chan felt sick.

He had never being in a house with a baby before, or, had looked after a baby. It was one thing to have a bit of a cuddle and a play with one, but, to actually have a baby in the house for at least a month...

Chan was nearly shitting himself with fright.

"Help me, for fucks sake, please!" Chan had begged Minghao who had then given him a crash course in parenting and looking after infants.

"And, most of all," Minghao's rule of thumb had been. "Is to not forget that they are babies, and, so, anything they do or don't do is because they are babies. They are tiny human beings, they don't know, they don't understand. They need full-time care, and, there's no point getting frustrated with them. They don't know what's happening, either."

In he and Christine-Elena's bedroom was a crib with a mobile, and, in her wardrobe, a box of nappies and baby clothes that she had picked up earlier that morning, planning to come home with the baby in the afternoon when Mum and Dad set off to the airport. 

Chan felt like he was going to throw up, and, just in case, locked himself in the loo, and, called Minghao again.

"I'm not made out for this, I can't do it, no way." Chan nearly shook, running a hand through his hair. 

"Well, when Chrissie's out, whose to say that you aren't looking after the baby?" Minghao innocently remarked.

Chan's heart elevated by a thousand meters.

"Yes." He agreed. "Fucking yes."

-

"Hello, my darlin' girl." Christine-Elena cooed, nuzzling her friend's baby's cheek as she tucked her from her baby-seat in the back of her Hyundai into the stretch-jersey infant wrap tied diagonally over her body, keeping the Scandinavian baby tucked close to the warmth of her body, the tiny and beautiful creature blissfully asleep. Leaving the rest of the little one's baggage in the car or the moment, she ascended the steps to the mildly crumbling home of hers, and, unlocked it just as she heard Chan coming down the creaky stairs. The baby on her chest didn't stir. It appeared that Chan hadn't heard the car outside or the front door go, because, when he got to the bottom of the stairs, he started silently.

Christine-Elena smiled widely. "Come here." She whispered softly. She bent down ever so slightly to show Chan their new house-guest for the next few weeks, and, a look of completely surprise, and, then, illuminated warmth came over his face.

"Oh, she's so cute!" Chan correctly guessed the small baby's gesture by the delicate pink romper-suit.

Christine-Elena kissed his cheek. "Get stuff from car, baby, I look after little one." She told him gently, and, she settled herself into the sitting room, stroking the infant's head gently.

Chan smartly did as he was told.

Maybe this baby thing wasn't going to be so bad at all. 

-

Later that evening, Vernon consulted his character list. Soon, everyone knew about the nativity, and, nearly everyone had a position.

First King - Seungcheol

Second King - Woosung 

Third King - Junhui

First Wise Man - Wonwoo

Second Wise Man - Mingyu

Third Wise Man - Vernon had no idea

First Shepard - Seokmin

Second Shepard - Soonyoung

Third Shepard - Seokmin

The Inn-keeper - Minghao

That was as far as Vernon got, but, then and there, was an issue. Vernon was going to do the directing, having written the play, and, on top of that, the narratting, so, he was counted out, but, that wasn't the probelm. It was a toss-up between Jeonghan and Jihoon to be the Angel Gabriel. Putting Jeonghan in a white frock with wings and dangling him from a harness from the roof of the hall was a natural fit, but, Jihoon would suit the position better due to his small size, and, if something went wrong, he was easier to catch if he fell. And Christine-Elena was definitely counted out of the nativity. Vernon had only found out earlier that night about the arrival of the baby. Vernon had then blasted Minghao over not telling him, Minghao having been the first after Jeonghan to find out. The only reason Vernon had blasted Minghao was because Jeonghan wasn't picking up his phone.

Vernon knew it come down to the fact that he didn't have enough actors. 

And he had no idea where to get anymore. 

The only way he could figure out how to do it was trust them with double roles...

He changed his list:

First King - Seungcheol

Second King - Woosung

Third King - Junhui

First Wise Man, possibly a sheep - Wonwoo

Second Wise man, possibly a cow- Minghao

Third wise man, possibly a lamb, and possibly the angel - Jihoon

First Shepard - Soonyoung

Second Shepard - Seokmin

Third Shepard - Seungkwan

The Virgin Mary - Rubes

Joseph - Chan (check with Chrissie)

Inn-Keeper - Mingyu

Inn-Keeper wife and possibly the angel - Jeonghan (And depending how much screeching he does over this I'll make him Herod)

Vernon consulted his new list with a smile. Yes, he thought. This is better. The only people who were excluded were himself and Joshua.

-

The next morning, preperations for the nativity begun. Ruby had somehow convinced the Priest that he didn't need to proof-read the Nativity script, it was all done perfectly fine, so, that was one more hurdle that they had to skip.

It was also noted that Ruby was wearing a very tight dress, rather than a short one, as it began to snow when they were using a truck from Vernon's work to load in rented supplies and theatre props.

"Move it that way you fucking idiot!" Vernon roared.

Chan and Wonwoo nearly laughed themselves stupid inside the church hall at the sight of Mingyu trying to back the semi-sized truck into the church garden with Soonyoung and Woosung guiding, and, Vernon seeing red, ready to rip Mingyu out of the truck and back it in himself. 

"How does Josh still have no idea about this?" Seokmin came over to the window and gave the thumbs up to Soonyoung who was waving the truck in. Soonyoung broke and waved then up at Seokmin at the window, making Mingyu slam on the brakes, jam the gear transition in the truck, simultaneously making Vernon just scream in pure anger, and, Seokmin, Chan, and Wonwoo dive out of line of sight by the window, crouching down like mushrooms beneath the windowsill.

Ten minutes later, with the truck backed in, Vernon was doing his nut at Mingyu.

"THE GOVERNMENT OUGHT TO BE STRUNG UP BY THEIR TITS FOR ALLOWING YOU LISENCE TO DRIVE A GRADE C VEHICLE WHEN YOU CAN'T PARRAELL BACK A GRADE A VEHICLE, YOU FUCKING COCK!" Vernon screeched. "AND WHO TAUGHT YOU TO DRIVE A MANUAL VEHICLE? THAT POOR TRUCK HAS NEVER BEEN BUNNY-HOPPED LIKE THAT IN IT'S FUCKING LIFE! AND IT'S GOT THE COMPANY NAME ON THE SIDE! IF PEOPLE SEE THAT THEY WILL NEVER GIVE ME OR THE GUYS ANY WORK BECAUSE THEY THINK IT'S ONE OF US DRIVING AND THINK THAT WE ARE THE DUMBEST CUNTS TO EVER EXIST ON THE FUCKING EARTH!"

"Poor Mingyu." Woosung murmured to Soonyoung before he and Seungcheol went to step in, seperating Vernon and Mingyu. 

Half an hour later, most of the props were in the theatre on the stage, and, everyone was trying to work out the costumes. 

"No one wear's anything until I've seen it." Vernon told them all bluntly before saying that tea-towls, slippers, calico, fake fur, and dressing gowns were perfectly acceptable attire, cracking everyone up laughing. "When we're taking the piss I don't see why we have to spend money." Vernon muttered as he checked off a list on his phone.

And, thought the nativity was important, everyone else was busy with another subject:

Chan's baby. 

"Get Chrissie to bring the baby in so we can have a cuddle and see how cute she is." Seokmin enthused.

"Yeah, it's about time one of us had a baby." Junhui remarked. Junhui had come back from Australia where he now lived nearly full-time for Christmas, he and Vanessa Morrabito running their magazine from headquarter's at their publishing company in Sydney. Everyone was happy to have their quiet, pretty gentleman back. No one could ever not be happy over having a Junhui in the mix. 

"I'll get a photo tonight and show you tomorrow, ok?" Chan promised.

He was met with a chorus of protest.

"Let us have a hold." Even Wonwoo insisted. 

In the end, Chan was forced to promise. 

"How are we going to make her look like she's up the pole?" Vernon sprouted suddenly, pointing at Ruby. 

Everyone burst out laughing again.

"Dunno about that." Soonyoung hiccuped.

Mingyu was quiet. 

"We're right, mate." Vernon went over to Mingyu and bumped his shoulder.

Mingyu hit him around the head, knocking Vernon to the ground. Everyone gawped, their jaws dropping open.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that, again." Mingyu told him. 

None of them could say that Vernon hadn't had it coming as Vernon got to his feet, nodding numbly.

"Oh, too, I've got all your lines and that organized." Vernon said. "They're in the van, I'll grab 'em for you."


	4. CHAPTER FOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ruby asks about the costumes for the stable animals, Seungkwan's inner animal rights supporter comes out as Chan mentions that there are some animal skins from his wives family in the house. Both Wonwoo and Minghao has a almighty fit in the middle of the night when he remembers one integral bit of the casting after a call from Wonwoo, and Jeonghan gets ready to possibly be the sluttiest nativity angel in history due to that wardrobe in Sylvias studio. After one job that Vernon requires him for - the engineer for the virgin birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I showed respectively how strong both Wonwoo and Minghao's pride is here :)) And, if you think the birth scene is horrific, it gets worse in the next chapter, luvvy :))

"This is meant to be a bit of a mess, I should add." Vernon said half an hour later as everyone read the relatively simple script. "We're all going to fuck it up a bit, and, it's brilliant, 'cause, it's mean to be an absolute arse of a thing."

"So us being inexperienced twats is acceptable?" Woosung remarked.

Everyone laughed.

"Now, that's the Catholic-y sort of bit." Vernon got another set of papers out. "Now this is sort of a loose plan of how we're going to purposely fuck it up."

Yet another half an hour later, everyone was reflecting that this was going to be one of the best Christmas's on record.

"Where are we going to get the animal costumes?" Ruby sensibly asked.

"The wife." Chan automatically said. "She's got a boxful of animal pagan stuff somewhere in the attic, like, furs and hoods with animal heads on them, all stuff like that. Me saying it doesn't sound crash hot - wait 'til you see it."

Seungkwan looked revolted. 

Chan looked squarely at him. "Got a problem?"

"Some poor animal had to die for that..." Seungkwan's mouth creased.

"Hm," Chan hummed. "And some gay's goanna get his fuckin' head bashed in -"

"And that's enough of that!" Jeonghan announced in a sweeping call. It shut both Seungkwan and Chan up. "Whose doing the narrating?"

"I am." Vernon held up his hand.

"You sure you want to be the one narrating it when Joshua is within two rows of going ballistic?" Jeonghan remarked.

"Yeah, because the narration is the proper version of everything as it has been for centuries but it's all you lot within two rows that are doing all the stuff." Vernon grinned.

Jeonghan lost his argument.

"Do you want to narrate, Jeonghan?" Woosung asked.

"No, but I don't like the idea of dangling from the roof of a buggered old church hall being the angel." Jeonghan gestured above their heads.

"Yeah, which is why there's bloody me." Jihoon said.

They all laughed.

"And if you're the Angel it sort of takes away the spot light from just being the inn-keeper's wife because along with me dressed as a lamb it gives evidence to lack of casting, funds and brains." Jihoon added directly to Jeonghan. 

"Yeah, hang on, why did you make me the inn-keeper's wife?" Jeonghan shot at Vernon.

"Because you're a whinging bitch." Soonyoung said.

Everyone lost the plot as Jeonghan gave Seokmin the finger and internally wrote him onto his shit list. I'll fucking kill you, he thought of the younger man. 

You don't know what I've asked Minghao to dress you in yet, Vernon thought to himself with a wry smile as Jeonghan gave in to his inner animal urges and chased Seokmin around the Church hall, screaming blue murder about castrating his testicles while Woosung and Mingyu kept clapping their hands as a lap count. 

-

Joshua didn't bother Minghao when he came home late that night, figuring he was probably just across the road - and not that far away at all - and he had either gone to sleep for a bit or he had lost track of time. 

What he didn't know was that Minghao was getting Jeonghan to try on "The Angel Costume".

"If Jihoon ends up being the angel, of course he won't wear this." Minghao said shortly as he did up the hook and clasps along Jeonghan's back. "But as it's you..." he burst out laughing.

Jeonghan observed himself in the mirror in lace knickers, a lace camisole with spaghetti straps, little fluffy wings and a white fluffy halo with his hair down loose around his features.

"Too, I've been wondering..." Minghao said. "Would you loose the silver hair with the black roots - you've had that for years, nearly - and would you go for a really gentle, pearly blonde colour, no dark roots?"

Jeonghan blinked.

That was one thing he hadn't expected Minghao to say.

-

"First wise man, huh?" Woosung hugged Wonwoo from behind, leaning over the back of the couch in his house as Wonwoo listened to the news and did the cross-word in The Telegraph at the same time. Wonwoo smiled, his glasses becoming slightly lopsided, but, he didn't mind. "And you'll be a nice-looking sheep too, if I say so myself."

Wonwoo suddenly went very still.

"My God." He barely managed. He twisted around, the newspaper and pen going to the floor. "Me and Jihoon are sheep - well, sheep and lamb - and fucking Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan are the fucking shepards!"

Woosung suddenly nearly pissed himself laughing.

"Me and Jihoon," Wonwoo managed strangedly. "Are going to have to crawl around on our hands and knees in a church hall on christmas eve with those three retards bossing us about and prodding us with sticks and..." Wonwoo paled. "We're going to have to "baa"..."

Wonwoo sat down on the floor, still laughing, his back leaning against the back of the couch with his face in his hands.

Oh, dear, he thought. This is going to be fun. I wonder if Minghao has realized yet?

-

Minghao soon did realize, especially when Wonwoo rang him. 

It made him dive out of bed beside Joshua, waking him up in the process at it was eleven 'o' clock at night, shrieking at Wonwoo to shut up, before racing downstairs of his home, getting the keys to Sylvia's house off the bench, run across the road, unlock her house, get inside, get the lights on, before going ballistic at Wonwoo. 

All the while, and, perhaps a blessing, Minghao forgot that Joshua was still tied by one ankle to the bed, and, even though Joshua was used to chaos and went back to sleep, there was no way in hell he would have been able to untie it and go after his partner.

"OH, FUCK ME, WE'LL NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN!" Minghao howled. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHRISTIANITY LOOK LIKE A COCK, NOT US TWO!" He paused. "Hang on, whose the third wise man?" Minghao asked.

"Jihoon." Wonwoo reminded him.

"Come off it!" Minghao scoffed.

Wonwoo laughed. "Isn't Jihoon wise?" He questioned.

"Look at what he married and divorced, fuck no!" Minghao answered. 

Wonwoo, lying in Woosung's lap as Woosung helped him with his nightly ritual of his crossword, news and tea before bed by laying on the couch with Wonwoo and doing the rest of his crossword for him - with the help of google, admittedly - didn't say anything about Minghao's remark, and, Woosung raised an eyebrow. He was very unimpressed by that statement, but, took it with a pinch of salt; Minghao was humiliated and embarrassed, and, it was more those two conditions speaking rather than he himself.

"So what's supposed to happen now?" Wonwoo said.

"We have to get Vernon to change it." Minghao sighed miserably.

-

Jeonghan gawped as Vernon bustled over to him with a large remote control. As he had come into Vernon and Seungkwan's house through the back door, having being to see Seungkwan who had been digging out weeds and playing with their blue heeler dog in the garden, he had spotted Vernon in what appeared to be a wheelchair or some sorts with a black gadget beneath. Since then, Vernon had made Jeonghan a cup of tea, and, since then, Jeonghan could see there was a large black pipe beneath the wheelchair. Vernon leant down and cleared his throat, gesturing to it. "Now, Hannie-hyung, when I give you the signal -" Vernon gave a salute. "- Press the button." He pointed to a white button on the left-side of the control.

Jeonghan looked up at him, fear intermixing with uncertainity in his gut.

"Alright?" Vernon smiled, brimming with confidence.

Jeonghan gulped. 

Vernon sat back in the wheelchair, checked the lines he had written, muttered under his breath, and, then, reached to the pipe. Jeonghan gawped as he pulled out a baby doll, said, "Oh, I thought we had one in there.", replaced the baby, and, made a note with Jeonghan:

"I'll get Ruby from upstairs." Vernon said. "She was having a sleep." Ruby came downstairs with Vernon, dressed in a cherry red circle-skirt dress with short sleeves and a crew neck in black tights. She settled herself into the wheelchair, and, so, the rehearsal scene began.

"Ooh, aah!" Ruby groaned in pain, hands fluttering about her stomach. "Such pain a woman goes through! But no pain is too much to give birth to this special child."

Jeonghan had to clap his hands to his open mouth to he didn't ludicrously giggle.

"Ugh!" Ruby grunted.

"Stand by, Hannie, stand by." Vernon quickly said, and, Jeonghan picked up the controller, Vernon pointing to the correct white button on the left side. 

"Argh!" Ruby leaned back further in her seat. "A child that will change the world! A child who can -"

Vernon gave Jeonghan the RAF salute. 

But Jeonghan was suddenly dumbfounded. He couldn't do anything. He pressed the button quickly as he came to it. Nothing happened.

"Press it harder." Both Vernon and Ruby said.

"A child who can - argh!" As Ruby groaned viscerally and loudly, Jeonghan pressed the button firmly, and, the cannon beneath the wheelchair exploded, sending the baby doll upward on a diagonal with such a force that it ricoched off the cornice of the sitting room wall of the south before landing to the corner of the sitting room by the north-facing wall by the Christmas tree with a enormous crash.

Jeonghan was breathless and frightened but in complete awe, and, Ruby and Vernon started cheering.

At the sound of all of this, Seungkwan came inside from the garden, a tiny thunderstorm gracing his expression as Jeonghan got up and retrieve the rehearsal baby Jesus.

"A chilld that'll need a fucking crash helmet." Jeonghan dusted off the top of the doll's head gently as though it were a real baby.

"Verny, what the hell are you doing?" Seungkwan inquired, crossing his arms.

Vernon blushed ever so slightly, the corner's of his mouth curving up cutely as he tried not to smile, his eyes going bright and delicate as Jeonghan and Ruby burst out laughing and started cooing like doves over the endearment.

"I'm trying to get this contraption ready for the virgin birth." Vernon managed as explanation. 

"It's one thing to take the piss but you're going to make Joshua cry." Seungkwan told him. Vernon and Ruby gawped indignantly. Seungkwan went over to the door to the kitchen and dining room on the south side. "Just have the baby appear in the crib. That's what everyone else does - taking the piss or not taking the piss."

Jeonghan nodded hurriedly, mouth hanging open in shock.

Vernon scrambled over to look at Seungkwan through the recess in the living room/kitchen wall to where Seungkwan was putting the kettle onto boil. "I don't want to do what everyone else does, that's the point!"

Seungkwan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "This nativity play has gone to your head!"

"I've watched these nativity plays over the years, and, taking the piss or not, let it be the CARRY ON! films or SOME MOTHER'S DO HAVE 'EM or STEPTOE & SON or ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES - the one thing they always leave out is the actual birth!"

"So what?!" Seungkwan exclaimed, throwing a tea-bag into a mug.

"So what?!" Vernon squawked in a echo, Ruby fetching him his script papers so he could go through into the kitchen. "Dumb fucks like Josh -"

Jeonghan and Ruby cackled while even Seungkwan could help but chuckle a bit, a pained expresson in his face, though.

"And his family go through life been told how Jesus suffered for his sins," Vernon went on, completely un-fazed, righteous in his words. "And not one mention of how Mary suffered so that Jesus could suffer." He prodded the script. "Not in this Nativity play." Vernon shook the script vengefully in the air.

"Ooh-ooh!" Ruby and Jeonghan hooted supportfully.

Seungkwan ran a hand through his hair as he poured the kettle and took his tea outside. "You -" he told Vernon with emphasis on "you". "- Are mad."

"No." Vernon answered stoutly. "I am a fucking legend."

Ruby and Jeonghan's laughter filled up the house again.


	5. CHAPTER FIVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan warms remarkably to the baby and absolutely adores her. Meanwhile, Convinced that Vernon is taking the Nativity too mockingly and it will just upset Joshua, Seungkwan gets Wonwoo, Woosung, Seungcheol and Soonyoung to come and "go over" the formal script. But, as Vernon recieves brand new news from Woosung about Roman Catholic interference over his Nativity, there is also another explosion upon the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, I should add and I repeat - the multiple baby Jesus in this work are actually dolls, and, Vernon and Seungkwan's cupboards most likely was damaged by comedic use of the baby canon

"Hello, bubba, yes, aren't you the loveliest little thing in the world?" Chan cooed down to Christine-Elena's friend's baby, carrying her about the kitchen as Christine-Elena cooked one of her favourite foods, that, actually, Chan didn't mind: it was chicken cut into strips with all-spice sprinkled on it, grilled in the pan, before been tossed with brown rice and stuffed into a couple of tortilla pocket wraps.

The little girl's name was Ilsa, and, along with being very cute, she slept well and didn't cry much.

Chan couldn't believe how much his heart had swelled in his chest.

Ilsa wasn't even his baby and yet he had never thought it possible to love a tiny human being as much as did her. She was in a little white romper suit with a pale pink cardigan, and, Chan thought how Ilsa had the softest, prettiest eye-lashes he had ever seen as she blinked, open and closed, slowly, contented and cosy in her baby clothes. 

"See, it's not problem, the baby." Christine-Elena smiled knowingly, stirring the chicken in the pan would a curved spatula. The delicious scent of all-spiced flavoured meat filled the air, and, it made Chan hungry. 

"I love this baby." Chan kissed Ilsa's tiny, tiny head. She gurgled gently and warmly, and, Chan melted on the spot. Chan couldn't ever believe that he had asked Minghao to look after the tiny little girl when he was meant to. 

Christine-Elena smiled to herself. She knew everything would be alright. 

-

Seungkwan had told Vernon that he wanted Woosung and Seungcheol to see that addition of the "birth contrapation" before it properly went ahead, even though Vernon told him that it was alright going ahead and that he was fussing and suddenly being very Christian. 

Vernon quite insistently hugged Seungkwan. "You're being very wishy-washy for my liking now but I still love you."

Seungkwan scowled and then shrieked. He had just seen through the recess in the wall Jeonghan climbing into the wheelchair to have a go at "the virgin birth".

"Jeonghan!" Seungkwan exclaimed.

"DON'T YOU FUCKIN' GO CATCHIN' ANYTHIN' IN THA' FUCKIN' THING!" Vernon hollered. His Korean was fucking awful when he got into a distressed state. 

Jeonghan gave Vernon the RAF salute, making Ruby smile widely and making Seungkwan's blood pressure soar just as the doorbell went.

It was Woosung and Seungcheol with Wonwoo and Soonyoung in tow.

"I'll get that, Vern!" Ruby called through the recess.

Jeonghan looked down longingly at the baby cannon. Surely Joshua would have to see the egineering and aesthetic beauty in the contrapation, surely?

"Hello - and what have we go here!" Woosung, first through the door, clapped his hands together and laughed with a cheerfullness only the Brits who weren't Toffs could manage. Jeonghan pointed down at the cannon. Seungcheol looked quite startled but a grin spread on his face.

"No, no, later, go to the kitchen, Vernon and Seungkwan need your help." Ruby attempted to guide the men through, knowing it wasn't really her place to give orders and opinion but not wanting to upset Seungkwan. She had been silly enough today.

"Hey." Wonwoo greeted her very softly, nodding his head a little.

A sudden flurry of affection filled up Ruby. She waved at him gently as he went through to the kitchen. 

"SEXY LADY!" Soonyoung cried, giving her a quick one-armed hug.

"HOSHI, KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!" Vernon roared.

"Good morning, mate, how's it going?" Woosung greeted Vernon.

"Take a seat, mate, Kwan, get the kettle on." Vernon got them all sat at the kitchen table and Seungkwan started to make them all tea. "There is a few things in this script that Seungkwan doesn't approve of. "Rubes!"

Ruby brought in the script.

Vernon cleared his throat. "The 20-something - in case Ha reads this again or in case this exists here on Ao3 forever, all years and dates you know - Christmas Nativity written by Chwe Vernon for friend Joshua Hong for the actual holiday, sub-titled, "Men In The Old-Fashioned Days Are Dumb Wanks"."

Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Seungcheol and Woosung laughed.

"Vern, seriously!" Seungkwan scoffed, putting Woosung and Wonwoo's teas on the table and then going back to fetch Seungcheol and Soonyoung's. They all briefly looked up at the ceiling. It was snowing again. Jeonghan and Ruby oohed and aahed out of the window in the sitting room, before taking some photos on their phones. Soonyoung was excused to join them. Woosung grinned into his mug of tea. Never so much had he felt a bit like a Dadda chicken amongst all these little ones that bustled around him on a near daily basis.

"It was that cunt at the Inn who wouldn't give them a room -" Vernon counted off the reasons on his fingers.

Woosung choked on his tea as he laughed and Seungcheol grinned, his hands nearly dropping a slab of Whittaker's peanut chocolate that he got out of his pocket. They were a present from Joshua's Grandmother, but, she hadn't remembered it was the almond slab he like, not the peanut, so, Seungcheol was given the more-than-happy task of being able to essentially hoover it up. 

"And Herod was a man." Vernon pointed out. Wonwoo agreed. Seungkwan rolled his eyes. "And Joseph was a man and never booked a room in advance and even the dumbest cock in the twenty-first century knows to do that." 

"You've got a point." Seungcheol smiled.

"Oh, and another thing," Vernon remarked. "Seungkwan also thinks that Joshua really won't like how the Shepards - he himself, Soonyoung and Seokmin - see the North star in the star that will guide them to the baby Jesus in Jerusalem and instead say, "Holy Shit, is that a UFO?!"."

Everyone lost the plot. 

Seungkwan crossed his arms and looked at Vernon pointedly as Woosung, Wonwoo, and Seungcheol nearly died of laughter. As Seungcheol as a individual began to recover a bit, he broke off some of the Whittaker's and gave it to Seungkwan, citing him that he needed some sugar in his blood.

"Lad, you've lost the argument, I'm sorry, love." Woosung eventually managed, leaning across the table to press Seungkwan's hand and then high-five Vernon who grinned wickedly with a proud cackle. "This is fucking brilliant."

Vernon sighed and looked to Seungkwan. "We can figure it out a little bit, alright?" He partially gave in to Seungkwan.

Seungkwan smiled.

"I want this Nativity play to still be special, have some love and warmth, I'm not trying to ruin Joshy's Christmas." 

The sound of the baby canon went off, and, Seungkwan shrieked, leaning to the side as a baby doll flew through the recess and landed on the table.

Vernon gawped stupidly and looked through the recess. Soonyoung was having a go at being the Virgin Mary while Jeonghan filmed. He wondered where the hell Ruby was but then heard the pipes of the bathroom and it's toilet creaking and groaning, Vernon then knowing she was occupied, and, without the attention of a intelligent woman, this was why Jeonghan and Soonyoung were now truly on the way to having their balls cut off.

But, apart from the shell-shocked Seungkwan, Woosung, Wonwoo and Seungcheol thought it was hilarious and didn't make a single ill comment about it.

"I still want to show how important the birth of every baby is." Vernon hurriedly continued, and, he dived out the way as a second baby flew through the recess, and, hit the chair where he formerly sat.

He leant over in the direction of the recess and shouted, "GIVE IT UP!"

Jeonghan and Soonyoung's near hysterical laughter met him.

"Right then, we'd better be off, you know we still have to invite the Priest, his curate, and the city bishop to this thing, right?" Woosung chuckled, putting an arm around Wonwoo.

"Bishop?" Vernon echoed. "What Bishop?"

"From the Korean strain of the Roman Catholic Church, Bishop Kyung-soo." Wonwoo elaborated, leaning against his partner's shoulder.

"Roman Catholic Church?!" Vernon didn't even dive out of the way as the next baby was launched, simply lifting up a arm and lowering it with the precision of the British RAF Lancaster jets firing bullets through the timed spin of its propeller. 

"ENOUGH, STOP!" Seungkwan shrieked, having seen his life flash before his eyes as that doll just missed hitting Vernon. Everyone ignored him, and, Seungcheol, Wonwoo and Woosung's attention was locked onto Vernon. Vernon hadn't realized that the Catholics would want to see what they were using their hall for.

Vernon checked for the doll behind him; it had smashed into the kitchen cabinet by the dishwasher. "Those cunts aren't muscling in on this!" He stated, pointing a finger at Woosung.

"Well, they're very excited about the evening and I don't think they expect it to go the dark side of Monty Python." Woosung told him drily.

Vernon paled, and, he just missed the next baby that flew through the recess.

"Dunno what the fuck we do about this unless we get 'em with the marijuana as they come in." Vernon muttered.

Another baby was fired a second later, but, he caught it against his chest. He re-positioned it tenderly, cradling it in his arms, stroking the top of it's head gently.

"I'll kill you's, you bastards!" Vernon snapped through the recess. Jeonghan hurriedly put his phone away, and, Soonyoung, seated in the wheelchair, threw away the remote to the couch as though he had never had anything ever to do with it. 


	6. CHAPTER SIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan fulfills the boys wishes and brings in the baby Ikea at the next rehearsal for them to all have a cuddle with, Joshua gets stuck in the bathroom at Minghao's house after brushing his teeth and Vernon and Mingyu have to come and rescue him, and Soonyoung makes an utter spectacle of himself in front of a bus-load of German tourists,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you thought that it would be Jihoon, Haffy XDDDDD

Chan did as the boys asked and at the next meeting at the Church hall, with Christine-Elena, he brought in the baby Ilsa. Admist all the cooing and sweet words and general air of all human beings when a gorgeous and tiny baby was present, Christine-Elena met Ruby, and, to the boys shock, they got along judging by how Christine-Elena was nuzzling Ruby's cheek and how Ruby was holding onto her elbow.

"Is this her being pagan or as she got secret lesbian tendencies?" Soonyoung asked Jihoon.

Jihoon grinned widely. "I think it's both." He whispered very quietly, and, he and Soonyoung laughed amongst themselves.

Jihoon had gone to the Doctor for the final time that year to have a assessment over his heart-health, and, all seemed to be well in the world with that. 

"With all the money you got off Madeleine, you know we expect of you in the honour of human decency to throw the biggest xmas bash ever seen, right?" Soonyoung informed the much smaller man. 

Jihoon peered up at him wryly, chewing the inside of his left cheek. "I shall consider it." Jihoon merely told him.

Soonyoung grinned. He tried to hug Jihoon but Jihoon hissed, "Not in front of the girls, for fuck's sake."

Soonyoung deflated disappointedly, so, Jihoon secretly tugged gently on the lobe of Soonyoung's right ear and promptly buggered off. Soonyoung smiled after him. I'll get a cuddle out of him this Christmas if it's the last thing I bloody do, Soonyoung thought with the vowing promise of a young scout.

"How'd it be if we had a baby?" Woosung said to Wonwoo as he held Ilsa carefully in his arms, half-sitting on a blackwood meeting table, the little babies feet in booties sticking up in the air a little bit. She didn't seem to mind getting held by a dozen different people, and, Wonwoo considered the babies temperant as she lay contently enough in Woosung's arms, looking at Wonwoo, or, rather, the glasses on his face. 

Wonwoo blinked. "I - uh, well, that's not realistically plausible -" He pushed his glasses further up his nose.

Woosung gazed at him. "You know what I mean." He remarked. Wonwoo blushed.

"Here, hold her, she's nice and warm, like a squidgy loaf of bread." Woosung told Wonwoo. Wonwoo chuckled.

"A squidgy loaf of bread?" Wonwoo echoed.

"Yes, looked at these little arms." Wonwoo watched as Woosung carefully touched his index finger into the babies palm and she held onto the very tip of it. "Very soft and little."

It was a profoundly nice sight, and, as a result, it was why Christine-Elena, Jeonghan, Minghao and Seokmin were taking photos on the other side of the hall.

"See?" Christine-Elena muttered. "Babies bring happy for the world."

No one could not agree to the fact.

-

Vernon had been moving furniture for Seungkwan in their sitting room while Seungkwan vaccumned when his phone rang.

"I rang Mingyu but he doesn't know what to do." Minghao began. "Joshua is stuck in the bathroom and we can't get him out apart from smashing the door in - like, putting a hole in it, can you come and help?"

Mingyu drove from Mingyu's, picked up Vernon - Seungkwan saying he'd stay at home - with a few of Vernon's tools on the back seat, and, they went back to Minghao's. 

"You ok, Josh?" Mingyu asked him.

"Right as rain." Joshua's laugh met him. "Is Vernon here now?"

"Yes, and he's going to take the lock out of door, replace it with a new one, and, then, check the rest of the doors in the house so it doesn't happen again."

"You pay him after this." Mingyu muttered to Minghao downstairs.

"I don't need too."

"Yes, you do, be nice, it's after tea-time and he was doing stuff at home with Kwannie." Mingyu insisted.

Minghao sighed.

"Why are you getting prudish with money?" Mingyu frowned.

"I'm not getting prudish with money but that's the man -" Minghao pointed to the ceiling. "-That's making me, Wonwoo and Jihoon be stable animals and crawl about on the floor in front of a hall full of Catholic dignitaries on Christmas Eve with Seokmin, Soonyoung and fucking Seungkwan as the shepards."

Mingyu cackled.

Minghao hit him.

"Still pay him." Mingyu made Minghao promise him and he held both of Minghao's hands so he could cross his fingers behind his back, so, if Minghao did lie, he wouldn't get out of going to hell. 

"And the wild animal is released." Vernon grinned, adjusting his wollen hat on his hat as Joshua was revealed.

"Only came in to brush my teeth." Joshua smiled sheepishly.

"We're right, mate." Vernon beamed. "Just get it back on for Hao."

"Want a beer?" Joshua asked.

"Nah, I'm driving. Get me a cuppa." Vernon answered.

"Ok."

"And if the coppers pull me up for that it just goes to show that they get nice and selective, the traffic watch do, when their superindentants they want a new Jaguar." Vernon rubbed a hand over the lower half of his face.

Joshua burst out laughing. "You're so rude."

"Yes, and I'm a fucking legend." Vernon noted.

Joshua mockingly worshipped.

"I said legend, not God, but, you know what, I'll take it." Vernon winked.

-

Now the morning and only four days out from Christmas Eve and the Nativity Play, Soonyoung and Seokmin had stayed overnight at Christine-Elena's home, the two of them on blow-up mattresses on the floor, and, Christine-Elena and Chan had insisted that they were welcome to have baths and showers, there was stuff there for a shave if they liked, and, enough breakfast nesseceities to feed an army while they went grocery shopping with the baby Ilsa. 

That morning came to be a secret Seokmin knew he would have to guard to his grave all the while he dug Soonyoung's. 

Seokmin dearly hoped that none of those Germans on that bloody bus complained on the internet or to the police.

Christine-Elena would kill them, not to mention Chan, but, honestly, out of the two of them, the Scandinavian Pagan woman would have the knife cutting out their spines first.

It had all started when Seokmin had gone into Christine-Elena and Chan's bedroom, opening the curtains over the windows. The snow had stopped for a time, and, it wasn't so cold that as long as the doors were kept shut to the main parts of the old house, that no natural light could be let into the bedroom. Seokmin then went downstairs to make himself breakfast, and, when he did hear the pipes for the bath running, he thought it was the one down the hall on the first floor, not the en-suite bathroom of their married friends on the second floor.

Seokmin also had no idea what was taking place until it had well and truly started, eating rice porridge and pinching the strawberry-coconut slabs of preserved, jelly-like things that Christine-Elena made and carried around with her in a packet in her bra - when she wore one - in case she wanted to suck on something. 

Soonyoung had climbed out of the bath, and, once the warm water was down the drain, and the heat-lamps in the bathroom were turned off, it was bloody freezing.

When Seokmin came to shriek at him later why he did it, Soonyoung simply explained that he was trying to warm up so his wedding tackle didn't drop off from frostbite.

It truly had all begun by him looking out of the window, thinking that he was quite glad that it was Christmas when...a double-decker busload of folk in a tourist bus with writing all across the sides and roof that Soonyoung could clearly recognise as German after he and the other's Northern-European exposure for Chan and Christine-Elena's wedding. They ranged from their early twenties to their late fifties, travellers, modern bohemian hippies, and, clearly business men and women of some degree with more tax-evation money resting in their bank accounts than genuine earnings. 

It was partly why Soonyoung thought that he'd create a issue - well, issue for them, fantastic laugh for he and the others especially when of the ugly old krauts, aging as badly as a mouldy loaf of bread, pointing directly through the window at him and laughed.

No one laughs at my sausage you ugly bitch, Soonyoung though to himself before opening the window and deciding that getting a bit shrunken was a happy price to pay for the trauma he was about to inflict on the Nazi tourists. He grinned widely before tilting half back, his feet set apart, his penis dangling freely between his legs as he tipped his head back, shaking it, and stretching out his arms, altogether giving the appearance of a humanoid jelly.

"Hello, ladies and gentleman, bear witness to my ENOOOOORRRRRMOUS gentlemen balloons!" Soonyoung sung brightly and in tune. And said gentleman's ballons flopped up and down quite merrily as the Germans on the bus shrieked, covered their eyes, yelled general rubbish, or, had a fit as Soonyoung began to bounce up and down in a on-the-spot goosegog march, a index finger posed over pursed lips, imitating Hitler's ridiculous moustache, looking more like a Japanese woman's pubic hair than a moustache. 

"You sound like your having a Hitler rant, thee queer bunch of little specky-eyed nazi's!" Soonyoung cheerfully remarked. "Especially you, love!" He pointed out a old lady in a dark-blue wool jacket who just about died. "Want to come inside and have a steiner with me, darlin'?" 

And, as the grand finale, Soonyoung turned around, bent over, and gave the german tourists the full moon.

Suddenly, the lights changed colour and the bus sped off.

Soonyoung cackled.

He was going to have to tell -

Well, normally, he would have told Vernon, but, then again, Vernon's Mother was fairly Germany...ish. 

Nah, he could tell him.

After all, it was Vernon who had done a impression of Hitler in a fur cap in his jocks on the shoulders of a Bard at the after-party of Chan and Christine-Elena's Scandinavian Pagan wedding that hadn't been greatly discussed.

"YOU!"

Soonyoung turned around as Seokmin flung the bedroom door open. Seokmin's eyes nearly came out of his skull.

"Oh my God..." He barely managed in a strangled tone before grabbing Soonyoung by the knob - no, not that you dirty bitch! - of his elbow and hauled him outside. "What the hell have you done?!" Seokmin paled.

"Well, if they weren't white-skinned before, they definitely are now." Soonyoung grinned brightly. 

Seokmin swallowed against his dry throat.

"Oh, Christ." He hoarsely whispered.

-

"Sorry for getting stuck." Joshua apologised to Minghao, climbing into bed beside him. Minghao turned off his phone and put it in the bedside draw. Jeonghan texted him whether or not bring the angel costume for him - if you could call it that - tomorrow, for that was the day everyone was showing Vernon what they were going to wear for the nativity play night.

Minghao turned on his side and slipped a arm beneath the curve of Joshua's neck. "It's alright." Minghao told him. "I promise."

Joshua yawned widely, and, even though Minghao got a face-full of Joshua's breath, he had brushed his teeth recently so it smelt like peppermint.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Joshua asked him. 

Minghao smiled. "Is it bad of me to say that I'm glad your not going home to America?" He whispered. "Because that's all I'd want. You here with me."

"I have to get you something though." Joshua insisted, ignoring the comment about going home. 

Minghao sighed quietly, closing his eyes briefly. Joshua could tell that he was tired.

"Think about it for me?" Joshua asked him.

Minghao nodded, humming tiredly.

"I think I'm ready for sleep, too." Joshua turned off the lamps on he and Minghao's bedside tables and then got back into his former position, head on Minghao's arm, shifting in closer to him. "Goodnight, loving you." Joshua gently kissed Minghao before leaving him be.

Ten second later, Minghao spoke.

"Oh, fuck you, you've woken me up properly!" Minghao complained.

Joshua burst out laughing. "God, I'm good!" He exclaimed.

Minghao groaned. "I won't get to sleep until four in the morning now."

"I think I can wear you out." Joshua sat up in bed to turn on the lamps before peering down at Minghao.

A slow smile began to appear on Minghao's mouth, his body warming up, but, Joshua quashed that like cold water on a unaware being:

"I've done Christmas shopping for everyone else, as you can't sleep, you can get up and wrap them but I'm still going to sleep, I'm tired." Joshua told him.

Shit! Minghao thought, as, without a choice, he was made to get up, and, indeed, wrap what seemed to be half-a-truckload-ton of Christmas gifts. And, there was no point doing it quick and roughly either. One, Minghao would still be awake until four in the morning, and, two, Joshua would punish him for doing a crappy job, and, not in the way that would give Minghao a multiple orgasm, that's for sure.

However, in doing this, it gave Minghao time to sticky-beak, as, a few minutes later, he could hear Joshua softly snoring if he listened very hard at the bottom of the stairs from their bedroom.

One thing that caught Minghao's eyes was Junhui's gift. Packed into a box that had once held professional writing paper was a coffee-mug with "THIS MUG IS NOT TO BE USED BY THE THING THAT SLEPT ON MY ARM LAST NIGHT" written in black writing on the side, a new and quite nice watch, and, beneath, men's underpants with the Australian flag on them. 

Minghao and his common sense knew the underwear was just a novelty thing, but, he couldn't help thinking about how the internet knew forever that Joshua Hong bought undercrackers with the Australian flag on them.

Then, there was Seungkwan's gift. Minghao nearly pissed himself laughing. There was three very nice photograph frames, a box of Ferrero Roche chocolates, and a book entitled, "YES, I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU".

Minghao carefully picked it up and thumbed through it. It seemed to be about to have a functioning sexual, romantic, and non-romantic relationship with another human being, with a list of all the good things that people scarcely do and a list of all the bad things that people do all of the time. 

It took him forty-five minutes to do all the Christmas wrapping, but, one thing he noticed the most was that there was nothing for Christine-Elena. And, there should be, apart from that fact she was a right honourable member and leading lady of their peculiar and tiny tribe, she was now Mrs. Chan Lee, and, as Chan was getting a present, so did she. 

Minghao tried to think better of the man he loved, telling himself just to wait until later on, it wasn't as though Joshua was ignoring her, but, what first came to mind, and, just as realistically, was more that Joshua was ignoring her to some degree. It usually involved something to do with her being Pagan, 95% of the time - oh, except if she brought up Jeonghan in anything frilly. Minghao distinctly remembered the days before Christine-Elena and Chan's wedding when Joshua had fainted upon the Scandinavian woman telling him that it was fine if Jeonghan wanted to wear a dress to the ceremony.

He hadn't in the end. 

When Minghao came back to bed, Joshua was neatly in the centre of it with his legs piled to one side. Minghao got into Joshua's side of the bed, and, immedately felt the alieness of not being on his side. I'm going to have to surreptiously but forcefully shift him throughought the bloody night, Minghao thought to himself, gazing at the back of Joshua's head and the top curve of his spine.

"You're thinking a hole into my head." Joshua mumbled sleepily.

"And you're on my side of the bed." Minghao pointed out, thinking that after nearly a year - well, actually, no, it was about a year - of being together, Joshua would be used to occasional and minor bitch tendency. 

"Ugh..." Joshua groaned softly, rubbing his hands on his face and laying on his back so Minghao could shift over the top of him to his side of the bed. "I'm cold." Joshua said as Minghao settled in beside him, Joshua's head on Minghao's arm once again.

"I'll put the heater on." Minghao said.

"Our bill is going to be through the roof..." Joshua muttered.

"You've got quite the wealthy fella, stop critcising my efforts to look after you, you pain in the arse." Minghao told him. "By the way, I like the things you got for Junnie."

Joshua smiled in his sleep, deeply lost within it again after a few moments.


	7. CHAPTER SEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Nativity costumes are presented in a variety of interpretations as Chan confesses to Junhui that he would like a baby with Christine-Elena, Vernon decides to ask Christine-Elena's Father Hagen for a air-conditioning unit from the Hyundai factory which he is the managing director for, Minghao and Junhui decides to go out with Joshua, and, the night ends with Joshua discussing his sex life with Minghao to Junhui and more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, it actually works - a Hyundai air-conditioning pump can be used as a smoke machine :))

Chan brought the baby Ilsa with him to the dress rehearsals, and, that was fun and games in it's own self.

Mingyu's costume was entirely composed of towels. He had two pinned together over his shoulders with another two pinned aroun,d his hips with a tea-towel secured to his head with a band, plain brown slip-on slippers, and his beard was a rag of old corduroy secured around his face with a bit of butcher string. 

But, out of them all, Wonwoo, Minghao and Jihoon - the three wise men and also farm animals plus Jihoon possibly being the angel - had costumes far too increidble for a nativity to take the piss out of a essentially Jewish-but-mucked-about-with-religion.

Despite Seungkwan going green at the sight of Wonwoo, Minghao and Jihoon wearing the skins and heads of a cow, a lamb and a sheep with no eyes and polished horns, it was nonetheless a sight to be beheld, especially with their tunic frock-like robe garments also made from the animal skins and fur.

"Told you Chrissie had pagan gear." Chan said matter-of-factly, getting Junhui to hold the baby for a little while.

"Don't mind us, I think we just all thought the costumes would be onesies with big eyes and horns like soft toys." Wonwoo remarked.

"They're beautiful, Chan, but, I think you'll have to take them home again." Vernon told him sincerely.

Chan sighed and said it was alright. As everyone then chattered about where to get costumes, Chan went over to Junhui to get Ilsa back. The baby had drifted off to sleep, and, Chan checked she was still breathing, putting a finger under her tiny nose, because her tiny chest didn't appear to be falling.

"I think I'd like to have a baby with Chrissie." Chan told Junhui, wondering if he had either the facility or the ability to be able to express that desire to Christine-Elena.

Junhui chuckled warmly. Ilsa began to wake up naturally, blinking slowly, and, then, she set a direct gaze on Chan's smooth chin. "Well, you'd better tell her then, Channie." Junhui gently nuzzled the baby's cheek as Chan adjusted her in his arms so Ilsa was splayed comfortably across his chest, and, the two month old started to sing in soft coos.

Soonyoung nudged Jeonghan beside him. "Do you think Vernon would kill us for suggesting Ilsa as the baby Jesus 'cause she's technically a girl baby not a boy baby?" He asked.

"We can't go shooting an actual baby out of a cannon, the health and safety would be on us like no tomorrow." Jeonghan answered.

"No, no, think about it." Soonyoung gestured with his hands. "Baby DOLL - and I repeat, DOLL! - flies out of canon, then, after the audience applauds, we have Ruby holding Ilsa in her arms, but, just in a blue baby suit or something - what do you call them?"

"Romper." Jeonghan supplied the world.

Soonyoung nodded brightly. "Besides, everyone is rows back, and all babies look the same, girls or boys." He added. "Their all bald and chubby-cheeked and capable of making so much poo that it's like a sewage tsunami even though the baby itself is the size of a football -"

"Oh, shut up." Jeonghan sighed. He told Soonyoung about the angel costume.

"Yes...!" Soonyoung breathed eagerly. "Yes, yes, yes, that is brilliant!"

"You sound like that Golem thing from LORD OF THE RINGS." Jeonghan commented.

"Oh, my aching heart." Soonyoung pressed a fist to his chest passioniately.

Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

And, so, the dress rehearsal properly began. Everyone was approved except Soonyoung and Seokmin.

"You don't look ancient Jewish, you look like Ebenezer Scrooge in his nightie." Vernon declared of their examples of too-short pin-striped frocks, fur-coasts, mothy-looking sleeping caps that dropped to one side and fluffy slippers. 

"If he had a sex change." Wonwoo muttered to Mingyu under his breath.

Mingyu burst out laughing. Then Wonwoo had to repeat the quip to everyone else.

"Oh, come on!" Seokmin threw his hands up in the air. "We're taking the piss!"

"Look how well Ruby is taking the piss." Junhui pointed at Ruby's costume of a white linen sun-dress, a ankle-length pale pink cardigan, and a white head-scarf. "The Virgin Mary has never been so pretty."

Everyone in the hall agreed to that.

"So, now, do any of want to have a bit of a practice on certain scenes or do you think we'll be ok?" Vernon sprouted.

Everyone looked at each other. "Like, properly, up on the stage?" Seungkwan asked.

"Yeah, yeah, practice it proper."

Everyone quite liked the idea for that, but, Jihoon soon reminded Vernon of something.

"You've made notes about the angel appearing looking like had had been on a barbeque." Jihoon prodded at the script. "How do reckon we're going to do that? The smoke? Give the Shepards ten second with some soot, I'll look burnt, no worries about that, but we can't set off a actual fire."

Chan saved the day.

"I'll ask Hagen." He said of Christine-Elena's Father. "He'll know where to get a smoke machine or something. He's the managing director Hyundai car..." Slowly, a brightness came over Chan's face. "Actually, we could do it with an air-conditioning pump..." He said. "Light some scentless incense to create some smoke, and, the air conditioner pump will pump it through the funnel out to wherever we direct it, y'know?"

"Channie, you are a fucking genius!" Vernon clapped his hands and pointed at Chan.

Ilsa began to cry.

"Oh, no, no, no, bubba!" Everyone instantly cooed, going over to her. "There, there, now, oh, we're sorry, darling, no, don't cry..."

"She's even cute when she cries." Junhui remarked.

-

Minghao and Junhui walked together throughout the city after the rehearsal as Vernon, Chan and the others got into his van to go to see Hagen about a air-conditioning pump, and, Ruby had gone home with the baby Ilsa and Christine-Elena, who Chan had apologetically called to come and get Ilsa.

"To be honest, I'm glad that I'm having a freezing cold Christmas and not a hot one." He grinned. "In Australia, it just gets so hot and dry that you can't sleep and you can't breathe without reducing your internal parts to just dust. You can literally bake eggs on the pavement, it's insane. Oh, and the buckle burn!"

"What's that?" Minghao asked.

"You park your car somewhere - say, at the shops - come back with the groceries, go to get into the car - you get third-degree burns from placing your hands on the steering wheel, the gear-stick or reaching around to plug yourself in." Junhui explained. "When the weather started heating up, Vanessa got me cotton wraps to put over the steering wheel and the gear-stick and the belt so that even if I park in shade I can keep some of the heat off. It really, really hurts. I once just had to get a cab home and come and get my car about six 'o' clock that night, it's dreadful."

Minghao laughed. "All the more reason that you should stay in Korea."

Junhui glanced at him. "Do you want me to?"

"No, no, I just mean with the weather!" Minghao hurriedly explained.

Junhui grinned. "Got to see Joshua too, before this whole thing kicks off." He said of the Nativity. "Can we go out tonight? The three of us?"

Minghao nodded. "Of course we can." He told Junhui.

-

"Fucking hell, that is fucking heavy!" Vernon grunted as he managed to get the air-conditioning pump with Hagen's help into the back of his van with Chan, Mingyu, Wonwoo and Seokmin leading behind. "Why is it so fucking heavy?"

"It's intricate machinery." Hagen grinned. The Scandinavian man then got a arm around the smaller Chan and chattered to him in Danish. As they left Hyundai car company headquarter's with it's spare-parts shop and dealership down the road, there were two thankful things:

Hagen had promised to come up and help them on the night of the nativity, going to bring a generator for the air-conditioning pump, and, apparently Chan didn't have to worry about doing Christmas day with them or anything like that.

The Scandinavian Pagan Christmas went for twelve days, so, if Chan wanted, he could have the 24th and 25th days of December with Christine-Elena by himself or with his mates, and, then, pop around to Hagen and Ase's anytime up to New Year, because, anyone of those twelve days was like Christmas day to them.

"But where do I get rabbits from?" Chan asked.

"What?" Mingyu, Wonwoo and Seokmin said.

"That's what Hagen said to me in Dansk." Chan explained. "I've got to bring a couple of rabbits on the peg."

"The what?" Seokmin echoed.

"Strung up by their ankles." Vernon, Mingyu and Wonwoo supplemented.

"How do you two know that?" Chan asked. 

"Because I like cooking." Mingyu explained.

"I like my crosswords." Wonwoo answered.

"And I am a fucking legend." Vernon put in his ten pence. 

Chan stuck his tongue out.

"The wind will change and your face will get stuck like that." Wonwoo warned him.

Mingyu, Seokmin and Vernon laughed.

"My Nanna used to say that." Vernon commented.

"My Nanna used to always say that "curses like chickens came home to roost" about people she didn't like." Seokmin remarked.

"Woah." Mingyu said.

"That's actually quite sinister." Chan opined.

"That's a really old one." Wonwoo pushed his glasses up his nose. "People used to say that and accompany it with putting a chicken with it's entrails spilling out on someone's doorstep."

Chan, Vernon, Seokmin and Mingyu were absolutely revolted and told Wonwoo off.

"Who the fuck would do something that sick anyway?" Chan scrunched his nose.

"Pagans, actually." Wonwoo said.

Mingyu, Vernon and Seokmin burst out laughing as Chan's nose scrunched even more.

He couldn't say shite about nothing now. 

-

"Shua?" Minghao went into the dining room to find Joshua typing at the kitchen table with his ear-phones in. As soon as Joshua saw him, Joshua took out his ear-phones and apologised.

"You haven't been standing there for ages have you? I'm so sorry." He said.

"No, no, about two seconds." Minghao assured him.

Joshua sighed, resting his head in his hands for a few moments. "Got a letter today from the KTO that your tax needs doing."

"What?!" Minghao nearly had a fit.

"No, no!" Joshua rushed to say. "You're not in trouble - Seungkwan rang me earlier. Everyone's been getting personal letters from the tax office about making sure that all the finances are up to date and all that."

"Oh, I see." Minghao sat down at the table beside him. "Junnie wants to go out with us tonight, he wants to see you."

Joshua rested his chin on his hands, looking at Minghao.

"What?" Minghao said after a few moments.

"Just looking at you." Joshua whispered before smiling a bit. "And it's Christmas. I feel nice."

Minghao laughed.

"So, you like the idea of going out tonight?" He asked.

Joshua nodded. "Sublime." The corner's of his eyes crinkled slightly.

-

Once Minghao, Junhui and Joshua were out, the night seemed to go as fast as the speed of light. It seemed only fifteen minutes ago it had been nine 'o' clock as it touched onto half-eleven. They had all gone out to a bar which was full to the brim with people and plants within it's four storey space, and, both Minghao and Joshua were blown away by Junhui's new facility of drinking enough grog to fill a brewary and still being able to walk in a straight line.

"They love drinking in Australia." Junhui put it down to as. "They're not a very delicate race."

Minghao and Joshua had laughed over that.

As Minghao had vanished outside the bar for a little while to have a couple of cigarettes and take a phone call about Jeonghan, Junhui got talking to Joshua. Junhui could scarcely believe that Joshua had no idea about the nativity, or, how they were all doing it. 

"How have you and Minghao being?" Junhui asked Joshua, the two of them sitting close together at a booth seat, hidden away by large potted ferns. 

"We've been good." Joshua smiled.

"Yeah?" Junhui's head tipped to the side slightly.

"Yeah." Joshua repeated, but, after a few moments, he opened up. "There's less sex." He admitted. "But we did it too much anyway, I think." He smiled a bit, very bashful, cheeks slightly pink. Junhui grinned. Having also been a lover of Minghao's body and Minghao of his, he could well imagine. 

"Well, as they say, too much of a good thing is wonderful." Junhui picked up his lager and sucked the froth off the top. Joshua snorted a soft laugh.

"How about nearly every night for nearly thirteen months?" Joshua asked.

Junhui cackled. Joshua grinned, his shoulder's turning in shyly. 

"It wasn't against my will or anything like that, it's just...when I think about it, I can't believe we're that much into each other that we probably have harmed each other a bit, doing it all the time..." Joshua's mouth creased in a smile he tried to prevent. 

"Everyone would be spitting chips if they knew." Junhui told Joshua.

"Becayse it's too much?" Joshua looked at Junhui.

"No, because you and Minghao are the thing that everybody wants." Junhui winked lightly.

Joshua seemed better assured. "But, as I said, there's not a great deal lately." He said.

"Maybe it's because he's got other plans, think about it, it's Christmas Eve tomorrow and then Christmas itself." Junhui reached over and squeezed Joshua's hand in a hold for a moment.

Joshua's eyes took ahold of Junhui in a gaze, and, he couldn't help it. 

His two hands came either side of Junhui's face and he kissed him.

Just in that single, electrifying moment, when Joshua pulled away, both he and Junhui's lips were bright red and swollen and stinging almost painfully with electricity.

And Junhui couldn't get over beautiful Joshua looked as he pulled away from a kiss.


	8. CHAPTER EIGHT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the night of the Nativity Play and, along with Joshua having a very positive reaction to it, the introduction scene is chaotic enough with Ruby acting more like herself rather than a Jewish virgin, Jihoon being set on fire, and a Roman Catholic Bishop wanting to be sexually harrassed by said Jewish virgin,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may need some chocolate to get you through this

Finally, it was the night of the Nativity Play. 

"Why aren't you -" Joshua tried to ask Minghao, doubt and confusion started to settle in along with a healthy dose of mistrust, but, Minghao cut him off.

"I promise I'm coming." Minghao got both of Joshua's hands, and, just briefly, sat him down in the back seat of Mingyu's hatchback that Mingyu had let him borrow for that evening, for Mingyu was coming with Chan on the back of Chan's KTM motorcycle. "We, uh, well, we went quite big this year when we were thinking about what to get you, this Christmas, all of us, you see?" Minghao explained. "Me, Cheol, Hannie, Jun, Jihoon, Seokmin, Soonyoung, Vern, Kwannie, Wonwoo, Woosung, Chrissie, Chan, and Gyu, so -" Minghao took in a deep breath. "- Vern wrote a Christmas Nativity that we are having as a actual theatre production with the Catholic Church consent in the church hall and other bits and pieces at the one near the old Ritz Carlton hotel where all the nice old merchant houses are and all the Chanel's and Dior's are, those ones, I mean, that one, I -" Minghao broke off with a bashful grin. "That's why I've got that massive bag in the front door to put in the boot and I told you to dress up nice." Minghao hesitated, swallowing. "So, uh, please say you'll still come, it was trying to be a surprise, I -"

Joshua kissed Minghao, holding his face in his hands. Minghao's Lennon glasses became lopsided but that was quite alright. "Oh, Minghao..." He said, warm and soft, his eyes seductive and deep and hot, pulling in Minghao.

Minghao's fingertips scrambled to get Joshua's belt off, but, instead, it was him getting on-top of that night.

"Josh, I -" Minghao hurriedly began, but, Joshua just kissed him again. 

Come off it, Vernon's voice said in the back of his head. You're not going to say no to getting Joshua's ride and tongue down your throat

No, I'm bloody not, Minghao thought huskily, knowing he had lost pace as Joshua quite forcefull gripped his head and pushed his tongue past Minghao's lips into his mouth. Minghao moaned around the force, his eyes rolling up into the back of his head, but, it was nothing compared to how Joshua got his jeans open and was quite insistent about going on him, half-in, half-out of Mingyu's car in the street.

"Oh, Shua..."

-

Vernon seized the stage curtains between his two fists and glancing out to see Joshua sitting in the crowd in a thick black turtleneck jumper, his slim-line trousers, and his good Winter coat with people surrounding him in the hall that could seat about fifty, sixty-odd people. However, sitting directly next to him was the Priest of the Church hall and it's surrounding property. He looked calm and happy, and, Vernon had yet to see Minghao who was weak legged and pretty much out of it, getting teased and squealed at by Junhui, Seokmin, Soonyoung and Mingyu - well, Mingyu had technically gone to blast Minghao about having car sex in his car for the matter, but, at first sight of Minghao who looked like he had recieved a mixed dose of happy drugs and horse transquilizer, he had to know what the hell had actually happened. 

Vernon yanked the curtains shut. "Prick." He snapped with feeling.

"Who is?" Seungkwan came over, dressed as a shepard, and, peculiarly, the carpet of his bead bringing out the nice warm colour of his dark eyes.

"Joshy, he's out there with a child rapist sittin' next to him!" Vernon jabbed a finger violently in Joshua's direction.

Seungkwan sighed, tilting his head back, briefly closing his eyes.

Vernon patted around his white frock-like thing, and his blue dressing gown for his phone. "You never have a Pagan when you need one." He said. "I'm sure Chrissie's house would look delightful with the head of a Priest hanging from the verandah."

Seungkwan bustled off, and, Vernon took to the front of the stage, going out through the back door of the changing rooms, down the hall, through the kitchen, into another hall, and, then, into the hall itself before ascending the stage. He smiled too the audience, but, truly, just for Joshua. Joshua smiled right back.

This will be really special, I promise, Vernon internally told him.

Joshua then let go a massive yawn.

Don't you fucking dare! Vernon told him off inside. The Church hall had been dressed prettily with strands of fey-lights, a smouldering gold, dressing around the stage floor and it's recess opening to the platform and therefore the crowd. The dark purple curtains were at this point still closed, and, a thought suddenly occured to Vernon.

Thank God Jihoon had agreed to be the angel, but, then again...

Why did he agree to be the angel?

Vernon begun the Nativity Play by giving a thumbs up to his sister in the front row who had a playlist on her phone, and, at one click, a light orchestral-style solo song began to play. The audience clapped, and, Vernon reflected, looking at the Priest and Joshua who were sharing words and looking comfortable in each other's presence, that all had to go well as the world went well.

Right?

"It was over two thousand years ago - so, about the time that that bishop was born -" Vernon shrugged, before pointing to the Korean City-county Bishop in the third row. Laughter filled up the air as the Bishop raised his hands and admitted his quite obvious age, playing along with the humor and evidently not taking offence...well, not taking offence, yet, and might we put a great of emphasis on yet. "- And the world was in a awful state altogether - well, you'll definitely know all about that, won't you?" He added to the Bishop. Another set of giggles filled up the Church hall. 

"In the small village of Nazareth -" Vernon stretched out a arm gracefully, and, as he did, the curtains were parted, and, a applause filled the air. Might take this up full-time, Vernon thought. I don't mind all this between thee and me

The scene of the Nativity shown to the crowd saw a rainforest-painted scene background with three five-foot-tall potted palms in Art Deco pots with a single bohemian-style bed with a Middle-Eastern inspired embroidered throw over white linen sheets and a bed-head that boasted more than a few scratch marks.

Ruby lay on the bed in a white linen sundress, a anke-length cardigan of the palest, palest pink, with a black white headscarf loosely over head head, and, despite the pillow on her stomach beneath her dress that was securedly tied to her with a couple lengths of butcher's string courtesy of Mingyu tied around her pillowed-waist, she was an absolute vision. Every single member of the clergy was to be going home with erections that night.

She smiled and waved up at Joshua before mouthing sorry to the crowd.

"Sorry, friend up there!" She quickly called.

The great majority of the crowd didn't realize it was Joshua, thank God, and, no one seemed to mind, for, in all honesty, Ruby was far too pretty. However, that bloody Priest seemed to think it was him, and, tweaking his bow-tie, he smiled back at her.

"- Lived a young virgin..." As Vernon read the narration skipped, he dived around to look at Ruby. "How are you a virgin and looking like that?" He pointed at her. "Oh you are kidding - very sorry, one moment!" Vernon dashed over to the stage, stuck his hand up Ruby's dress, and, pulled out the pillow. He tucked it under his arm, and, when he got back to the blackwood altar that he was reading the narration from, he tucked it in there. He glanced over to see Joshua covering his face with his hands, but, laughing.

Vernon continued on as gracefully as he could. Ruby was smiling so brightly as it was that all the audience who would now be getting cross were glowing just as happily as she was. "Her name was Mary, and, she was a young woman who lived a simple life with her carpenter husband Joseph in the small town of Nazareth. Not long after they were married, this one night, one very extroadinairy night, a wonderous, magical thing happened. And angel -" The lights of the stage nanosecondanly flashed off as a small explosion happened, and, thick, pearly white smoke appeared from the left-side curtains. Ruby had nearly come off the bed at the shock, and, so did most of the audience out of their seats. Even though Vernon had made that happen on purpose courtesy a old air-conditioning pump given to him by Christine-Elena's Dad Hagen from the Hyundai car-manufacurting facilities which he ran, the crowd gawped. Vernon hoped they all did read on their invitations that it was going to be "vibrant evening for young and old!". "Of the Lord appeared!" Vernon hurriedly finished his line. The explosion was to come at the end of that sentence, not bloody halfway through it!

"Oh, shit, shit, I'm on fire!" Jihoon's panicked shriek filled up the air. Ruby hurriedly gestured none the less, and, Jihoon ran out onto the stage in pre-blackened white dress robes, wings, a white cap and, in the process, so much sooty-coloured powder put on him that he looked like someone had mistaken him for a chimney-cleanser burn-away block. The fluff off his halo had been quite nicely burnt away as well, just leavin the wire skeleton. Jihoon looked startled at the crowd and the Bishops in their red and dark pink uniforms before twisting around to look at Vernon. Smoke came off of his clothes. Vernon knew that Hagen or Ase must have stuck that bloody air-conditioning pump up Jihoon's frock to get that look.

"Oh, wondrous being!" Ruby purred. "Who are you and what do you want?"

And, within a split second, every man in the audience went to seduced and warm-blooded jelly, including Joshua.

AND GOD CREATED FUCKING WOMAN!!! Vernon thought triumphantly, stopping himself from jumping up and down and therefore looking like a twat in a dressing gown and a frock. 

"I think I inhaled some of that secondry smoke from Hagen's cigarettes." Jihoon wobbled.

Wait, that's not supposed to happen, Vernon thought.

Ruby helpfully sat up on the bed, picked up the embroidered throw, and fanned it at him for a few moments. "What do you want, Gabriella, Angel of the Lord?" She asked him again.

Suddenly, the whole hall was filled with laughter, but, ironically, Ruby had no idea what she had done, referring to the Angel Gabriel as a woman. But, the thing was, the angel in the nativity wasn't Gabriel, it was bloody Michael.

"I am the Angel Michael," Jihoon talked pleasantly to the crowd, not shy at all, and acting well. Vernon was surprised. "And I have come with a message from a above." He quickly gestured to the ceiling. "You are with child, and, it's a very special child."

"But this cannot be for I've always known where my knicker's are, thank you very much." Ruby said. 

"Oh, by the way, God says you've got lovely taste in clothes, most women haven't, it's awful!" Jihoon smiled.

Vernon had to try not and giggle himself. Because there then came this scene. 

"Oh, I know!" Ruby sighed. "I don't know where you do your shopping -"

Jihoon hummed before taking a seat on the edge of The Virgin Mary's bed.

"- But there's this fat old cow that has this dressmaker's - nothing under £400, you see -?"

Jihoon shook his head sympathetically. "God has tried to interfere with the modern human economy." Jihoon remarked.

"- And she reckons she can tell any woman's bust size by looking at their chest all the crotch area for a man by looking at his wedding vegetables." Ruby continued.

"I'll tell God to put her on the other list, then." Jihoon commented prudishly.

"What list is that?" The Virgin Mary asked.

"The list for our next door neighbour, or, rather, the man that rents downstairs after God didn't get very impressed with him having a marijuana evening with his university friends in the sitting room." Jihoon explained to her. He then turned to the crowd. "What are you so startled about? That's why it's on fire, he leaves his cigarette butts everywhere!"

The hall burst out laughing once again.

"And it's why he's so ugly!" Jihoon then insisted. "Oh, he's a dreadful fright that one, looks like a dehydrated chillie with a woeful attempt at growing a beard." 

The audience cheered.

"I think the heat would dry it out, too, what does God use to keep his nice?" Ruby asked. 

"I'd tell you, dear, but that Bishop's got a glint in his eye." Jihoon teased the Bishop, smiling at him. The Bishop raised a hand.

Ruby wolf-whistled. "Hel-lo, sexy!" Her jaw dropped open, a hand pressing to her full chest. "What?!" She looked at Jihoon. "You haven't got a bun in my oven, yet. I would mind that one providing the batter." She pointed.

Ruby then climbed off of the bed, got off the stage without flashing her knickers, and, went up to the third row, but, where the Bishop was dreamily waiting to get a kiss on the cheek or a stroke of the cheek, she went up to Joshua, sitting on his knee, crossing her legs, and stroking his face adoringly.

Jihoon, who usually had the most sincere composure, couldn't help laughing. He had thought that Ruby was going to sexually harrass the Bishop, too, and, now, the Bishop looked quite grumpy. As The Virgin Mary got off Joshua's knee, she went over to the Bishop, kissed his cheek, and, took his little dark-red cap and putting it over her headscarf, her hips flicking quite a bit as she went back to she and Joseph's marriage bed.

"No, young Mary, do believe me. You will bear a child, and it will be a very special child -" Jihoon got halfway through saying.

"Make him cute." The Virgin Mary stuck her nose up.

Jihoon bristled indignantly. "Any one of God's children is cute."

"Except the one I saw in Primark's the other day, it was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen." Ruby gave a disgusted shiver, her face contorting.

The crowd gave a sympathetic "awh" even though it was a made-up ugly baby.

"You'll find you'll be getting sick in the morning from now on, forgive me, it is nature." Jihoon rose from the bed, bowed, and then left.

Ruby looked to the crowd. "So, how do I tell my Mum that the only man to ever share this bed with me hasn't been Joseph but a midget with the wrong-coloured foundation?" Ruby peaked. "I don't think that young man in the dress knew Josey's away on a fishing holiday."

Suddenly, another shot of smoke let off from the side. That was not supposed to happen.

Ruby improvised. "Careful there, Mr. Jenkins, owner of the local pub, that fella's wings, I suspect, are highly flammable!"

The curtains closed, the end of the first scene.


	9. CHAPTER NINE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woosung comes to save the day, bribing two curates to get into a gigantic donkey costume as Vernon fails to realize that he forgot the donkey for Mary (Ruby) and Joseph's (Chan) arrival in Bethlehem. Vernon also realizes that the wise men can't be animals at the same time, but, Hagen, Christine-Elena's Father also comes to the rescue. To provide distraction, Soonyoung, Seokmin, Wonwoo, Seungkwan and Jihoon put on quite the individual performance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we all know, Woosung is the gentleman but gentlemen not as in dandy but as in Colin Firth out of Kingsman XD

"Right, be more professional!" Woosung shouted at someone down the phone-line before hanging up.

Soonyoung asked him what was wrong.

"Vernon forgot that on the way to Bethlehem that Mary and Joseph go on a Donkey." Woosung said.

Soonyoung swore fouly. "How the fuck could he have forgotten that?" He groaned, leaning his elbow against a box and covering his eyes briefly. 

"And, as it is, a real one is out of the question, and, on top of that, the best thing we're going to have is two of us - any two of us - in a costume with Ruby and Joseph, Chan, walking beside, or, one of us in a donkey onesie carrying Ruby as though she's a pregnant bride." Woosung said. 

"Everyone remember's the fucking Donkey." Soonyoung moaned. "The Donkey is the most important part. It's like turning up at Silverstone without a Jag."

"I managed to convince the curate here to do us a favour and wait outside for a van that's going to drop some stuff off." Wonwoo sighed.

"You've convinced a catholic church curate to be a post-box?" Soonyoung checked.

Suddenly, he and Woosung laughed.

"Yeah, lad, told him to stick his arm out like that on the side." Wonwoo gestured. "And when he's recieved the packages he arm goes down to his side again."

Soonyoung giggled. "Does Vernon know he's forgot?"

Woosung shook his head.

"Oh, fucking Christ..." Soonyoung covered his face with his hands.

-

"This is actually quite a comedy." The Priest said to Joshua next to him. "I was told by that young lady, Miss Ruby -"

Joshua smiled a bit.

"- That is was going to be a funny one, and, I was quite relieved. I've been a Priest since I was twenty-nine and I'm forty-three now and it's being three nativities a year since then - the one that the kindgartner's do, bless them, they're only babies, the one that the local charity does, and, then, the one that the Saint Mary of Roses Christian High School does every year." The Priest sighed.

"Is it a disaster when the high-school does it?" Joshua asked.

The Priest chuckled. "A little bit." He admitted. "Don't ever let on I told you but it wasn't just the celestial conception of our Lord, Jesus Christ, that we had that year if you know what I mean..."

Joshua had to stop himself laughing. "Oh dear." He managed.

"Oh dear, indeed." The priest nodded gravely.

-

"What the fuck is he -?!" Vernon gawped after a curate rushing through the back-stage area, having nearly mown he and Junhui down as he ran with boxes in his arms.

Vernon and Junhui watched as the curate dumped the boxes at Woosung's feet and then rushed back out. This was the big scene, the arrival at Bethlehem. Because, after that, veryone was out in force. The Sherpards, the Kings, the Wise Men, The Virgin Mary and Joseph - it was going off like a bloody rocket.

Vernon rushed about like a headless chicken. "THE KINGS, WISE MEN AND SHEPARDS NEED TO GET INTO THEIR GEAR RIGHT NOW!" He called, and, as he did, he realized something.

Wonwoo and Minghao couldn't possibly be farm animals at the same time as wise men. The Shepards arrive with the animals, and, the animals have to stay put and present as then the Kings and Wise men arrive, the Wise men then being Wonwoo and Minghao...and Jihoon still have to be the angel so Vernon now realized that he was missing a Third Wise Man, a Lamb, a Cow, and a Sheep.

He was ready to do his nut. He couldn't believe that he had fucked it up this much.

"Boy, what is wrong?" Hagen came over to him. Vernon told him. Hagen merely laughed. "I have many pagan God-children in this country!" He exclaimed. "Give us fifteen minutes."

"I haven't got fifteen minutes!" Vernon felt weak.

"Yes, you do." Hagen said confidently. "Get Seokmin, Soonyoung, Seungkwan and Wonwoo to go out there with the other's and be insulting but loving about Christianity so there is not a riot but so there is laughter. I know they can all do it. Give us a little bit of time. You go out and do your thing - it will all be ok, Vernon."

And, Vernon believed him. This was, after all, the Father of Christine-Elena. 

"Right, we need to move on! Move on! Get to Bethlehem!" Vernon shouted. "And anyone who was supposed to also play the part of a animal - no more! Hagen is bringing the god-children!"

And, Wonwoo, Minghao and Jihoon upon hearing that nearly burst into tears of gratification.

They didn't have to be humiliated crawling about on their hands and knees with Soonyoung, Seokmin and Seungkwan as bloody shepards.

But, then, another thing occured to Vernon. "What about Jihoon being the angel and all that?" He quickly said, grabbing Hagen's arm. Hagen gazed at him.

"Do you not think me a wise man?" He asked.

Vernon burst out laughing. "Yes." He managed to say. "Yes, yes, I do." He looked up to Hagen. "Your Pagan Gods won't be unhappy, will they?" He asked. 

"Not if it is to make my son's friend happy." Hagen said of Chan.

"But this is the friend that wouldn't come to your daughter and son's wedding." Vernon tried to make Hagen see what he was thinking.

"Because he only wanted to be good to his God." Hagen said.

Vernon began to understand Hagen's thinking. It wasn't just Ase who had given Christine-Elena her nice side.

It had been Hagen who had given Christine-Elena her nurturing quality. 

Her loving quality.

"Oh, fuck, I've got to be Joseph, haven't I?!" Chan suddenly shrieked.

"YES!!!" Vernon hollered. "Off to Bethelehem..." He and Hagen scattered in different directions. Vernon then turned back. "WHERE THE FUCK IS BETHLEHEM?!" He shouted. He then spotted Seungkwan going the wrong way, his carpet beard nearly touching the ground.

"Kwannie, get the fuck back here." Vernon grabbed Seungkwan by his arm and pulled him back. "You go through there all the Catholic's have seen you with your beard on the ground."

Then it hit him. "OH, AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Vernon roared in addition as he told Seokmin, Soonyoung, Seungkwan, Jihoon and Wonwoo the new plan of attack while Hagen organized the stable animals/god-children. "NO ONE FUCKING QUOTE "MONTY PYTHON'S: THE LIFE OF BRIAN"!"

-

Woosung had solved the donkey problem. "£300 for the pair of youse if you be the front and back ends of a donkey that I've just had delivered from a place a few blocks away?" He had told the curate of this parish and another curate from another parish that Woosung thought was just the toy of one of the Bishop's. 

Woosung could believe all that was going on. If they didn't have the agreeable curates - but three-hundred quid a head is nothing to sneeze at - and Christine-Elena's parents god-children, they all would have been absolutely buggered. 

Woosung's head twisted to the side as the sound of the curtains being drawn back filled the air.

But we're not ready to go on to the next scene - went though Woosung's mind, but, then, he heard the sound of Wonwoo's voice. Woosung instantly relaxed.

Everything was going to be alright.

-

The First Wise man in the form of Wonwoo entered the stage, walking solemnly. The audience applauded. Joshua smiled. Wonwoo still wore his glasses with his pale-blue frock-robe, sandals, a sleeveless cardigan, and, a blue-and-white checked tea-towel on his head. He also wore a dark brown beard that appeared to be...knitted. Wonwoo peered at them all.

"I only came out for a loaf of bread but I think I'm rather lost." He peered about his being. 

It really was rather obvious that this nativity was going to be like no other ever seen. The audience laughed.

He looked at them suddenly looking at him. "Yes, I know, Specsaver's in Jerusalem, isn't it delightful?" he cleaned his glasses with some of his knitted beard as the audience laughed again. 

Suddenly, Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan appeared from the side-lines, carrying staffs and talking.

"Hey, mate, have you seen some sheep?" Seokmin sprouted.

Joshua grinned.

Wonwoo looked at them. "Sheep?" He asked.

"Yeah, about three dozen of 'em." Seokmin nodded.

"Fat, white and woolly." Soonyoung also nodded.

Seokmin was essentially wearing a over-sized t-shirt with sandals and his dressing gown with a tea-towel on his head, while, Soonyoung and Seungkwan were better dressed in outfits that looked more like Ruby's in their correctness. They were in white frock-robes with robe-jackets in sandals and headscarves; Soonyoung's were blue and black, and, Seungkwan's were grey and white. Seokmin was beardless but sported two massive side-burns made from fake-fur, and, both Soonyoung and Seungkwan's floor-length beards were made from the same dark-brown carpet samples.

"No, sorry." Wonwoo said. "Do you live around here?"

"Not really, we like to travel about." Seungkwan answered.

Wonwoo gazed over Seungkwan, Soonyoung and Seokmin's heads as Jihoon, the angel, appeared in the sky. All of the sooty make-up had been scrubbed off him, and, he was in a new white frock-robe, a proper halo, and lovely wings. But, as Jihoon appeared, floating in the sky, Soonyoung, Seokmin and Seungkwan shrieked and dived for cover behind Wonwoo.

"Oh, Wise Man, save us - because HOLY SHIT, IT'S A UFO!!!" 

Joshua and the rest of the hall burst out laughing.

"Be scared not, my child -" Jihoon began.

"Child?!" Seokmin hollered. "My Father was fucking taller than that!"

"Yeah, so was mine!" Both Seungkwan and Soonyoung pitched in. 

"- Listen here, trees with willy's!" Jihoon howled. The Shepards shut up. "The wise men can go and find his mates, and you two had better come with me because I have your sheep. Once you recieve your sheep, you shall begin a journey to the town of Bethelhem."

"Why, what's interesting there?" Soonyoung commented snootily.

"The son of God shall soon be born." Jihoon moved his hands as he spoke. 

The Shepards chattered amongst themselves.

"I do apologise." Wonwoo said as The Wise Men. "They are sheep farmer's for a reason if you get me meaning...?"

The Angel winked.

"Yeah, pal, actually, we reckon that sounds pretty interesting." Soonyoung coughed into his fist, declaring.

"Well, go that way." Jihoon pointed to the right. "The night shall not last long..."


	10. CHAPTER TEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birth scene has finally arrived! The Shepards proved themselves to have brilliant paternal skills, The Kings come as quite a shock, especially with the small concert they give. Jihoon has to be pulled by his ankles through the air after a accident with the air harness, Joshua has a heart-aching talk with the parish priest of why he took up the priesthood, and, only at the very last minute do they find out Vernon has chosen not to use the baby canon in case he kills a bishop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the birth of every baby is very special, and, even though I am taking the piss, it's not without sincerity :)

"There was no room at the inn," Vernon began The Virgin Birth narration. "But there was a stable at the back, so Mary and Joseph went there to spend the night." He held out his arm, and, the curtains parted. "Fuckin' magic that is." He grinned up towards Joshua in the audience as the audience applauded once more.

The first sight they were met with was Hagen's god-children all sitting neatly together on the floor. People oohed and aahed and clapped again, but, much more gentle this time.

"Hello!" A little girl called out but, with her little voice, it sounded more like, "Heh-wo!"

God, Pagans have nice little kids, Vernon thought chummily to himself.

"But, in the meantime, in a field close by, the Shepards we witnessed earlier have settled there with their sheep and are debating whether the thing they saw floating earlier might have been playing silly beggers." Vernon narrated. 

The little ones cheered as Soonyoung, Seokmin and Seungkwan come onto stage, and, all three shepards promptly picked up a couple of little cows or lambs each.

Joshua pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jacket to take pictures.

"When they are then approached by three kings." Vernon continued on.

Joshua nearly dropped his phone at the next sight.

"The fuck?" Joshua heard a man murmur to his wife beside him as the Three Kings came out onto the stage.

One was Elvis Presley, one was Johnny Cash, and the third was John Lennon.

The kings of rock, country western, and pop.

Junhui was Elvis, Woosung was Johnny Cash, and Seungcheol was John Lennon.

"We are three kings," Seungcheol as John Lennon piped up, and, then, it bloody started.

"Love me warm and tender dear..." Junhui sung as Elvis, the audience going mental with applause and cheering.

"As we fall into a burning ring of fire..." Woosung picked up as Johnny Cash.

"You may say I'm a dreamer...Seungcheol sung as John Lennon.

"But I'm not the only one

I hope someday that you'll join us

And the world will be as one!" Elvis, Johnny Cash and John Lennon finished off together.

"Hoonie, get ready for the angel!" Jeonghan rushed around back stage and helped Jihoon back into his levitation harness. And, as he was hoisted up in the air, Jeonghan hissed, "Faster, faster, they can only sing for so long!"

"We're followin' an angel." Junhui said before both John Lennon and Johnny Cash both did the Elvis Presley power-arm swing and pointed to the north-east side of the set's skyscape. "Oh, look, there he is now!"

Jihoon once again returned to the stage, or, rather, above the stage.

"Glorious angel," Woosung said in the most brilliant accent, sounding exactly like Johnny Cash, taking the audience's breath away. "Fly on -" John Lennon, Elvis and Johnny Cash mimicked bird wings. "And we shall follow."

"It's too fucking tight, I can't move!" Jihoon complained.

Suddenly, John Lennon, Elvis and Johnny Cash raced to help the angel who was nearly crying. 

"This is cutting the nuts off of me!" And everyone could tell that Jihoon wasn't lying. The deceased rock, pop and country western legends had no choice but the grab the Angel by his ankles and drag him across the set all the while the little kids laughed and Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan kept them occupied.

The curtains were promptly drawn again.

"Why did you become a Priest in the first place, can I ask?" Joshua said to the Priest beside him. 

The Priest didn't respond for a few moments. "When I was very young and very silly - about sixteen - I felt that I was in love, and, I do think that I was actually in love, but, together, me and her got pregnant." The Priest told him quietly. "The baby died from heart issues and lung problems caused by immensely premature birth. I was in so much pain and no one seemed to get it. If a baby dies, it's all to do with the woman - it's her job to be miserable, not yours. It's not supposed to matter to you. A part of myself died with that baby. One day, much older, about twenty-one, I was in a pub with my Grandfather who I was very close too, and, while he went to the bathrooms, a curate - this is going back to the 1990's now - asked if he could leave his suitcase with me because he also needed the bathrooms and had no one to watch it. My Grandfather comes back, the curate comes back, and, we all got chatting, and, by the end of the night, I had a new friend." The Priest smiled. "He was half-English, and called Bert. Bert said that it wouldn't be a hard job; a bit of a lonely job, but, you see, Joshua, I don't feel anything. I'm not really attracted to women - I'm not homosexual, it's just, that, you know...I've done the whole life thing before I was twenty. I found someone I loved, we had the child, and the child died. Anyway, sorry, Bert told me it was a comfortable life, a roof over my head, a car, a housekeeper...all I had to do was write, and, in being a Priest, I had the freedom to be quiet and delight in my own company. It was hard to go out and do things after baby died; I wasn't myself for years, and, on top of that, I was still a child, myself."

Joshua looked down at the ground. He suddenly felt very, very sad for the Priest. 

"But, you see..." The Priest hesitated slightly. "I'm not a child anymore." He smiled at Joshua. "So, I don't think I need the same things, anymore."

And, precisely at that moment, the Bishops called for another intermission. Joshua was delighted. He badly needed a cigarette or a bit of alcohol, or, maybe both. 

"What's your name?" Joshua asked the Priest. "Your actual name?" 

"Dong Geun." The priest smiled. 

While Joshua and the Priest went outside for a smoke and a drink, it was happy chaos back-stage.

It was time for the birth scene, and, Vernon had planned that this was the time to formerlly introduce the wise men and remind the audience of wonwoo's earlier appearence when they were technically fucking things up in the way they didn't intend for things to be getting fucked up.

Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan kept an eye on all the children and kept them from getting trampled as they moved the furniture around, bringing the bed back into the stable - of course there wasn't meant to be a bed in the stable but if they had Ruby on the ground surrounded by Hagen's god-children, though tiny, she wouldn't be able to be seen.

"It's the big birth scene, everyone, get ready!" Vernon shouted.

Jeonghan rushed over to Chan. "What are we doing for the baby jesus?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" Chan said.

"We were all joking about using Ilsa in a blue romper suit but I've had a look around and there's no baby canon."

"What?" Chan's expression fell.

"There's no baby-dolls or baby-canons." Jeonghan confirmed. "Vernon must have changed his mind but he hasn't said."

"Oh, shit, what are we doing for the baby Jesus, then?" Chan ran a hand over the lower half of his face. 

"Can we get Ilsa in a blue romper suit within the next ten minutes?" Jeonghan held his breath.

"Thank God her parents are all the way in Denmark." Chan barely managed, and, he clapped Jeonghan's shoulder as he went off. 

Chan climbed through the curtains, jumped off the stage, and asked a random member of the audience if they had seen where Vernon had gone.

"Followed my husband into the loos." She said.

"Oh, sorry, sorry!" Chan apologised.

"It's ok!" The middle-aged lady smiled. 

And, within the next ten minutes, a miracle was worked.

Christine-Elena bluntly refused to even come into the Church grounds, so, unbelieveable but joyously, Hagen carried in the precious baby, dressed in blue, and, everyone nearly melted.

The baby was sleeping and she was wearing little bright orange noise-canceling headphones.

"I think we are good to go." Hagen beamed as Junhui carefully took the gorgeous little girl from his large hands. 

"Get into your Wise Man costume then." Junhui reminded him.

Hagen hummed.

Five minutes later, the birth scene begun.

"Meanwhile, in the stables behind the Inn," Vernon narrated. "With Mary surrounded by pint-sized lambies and cows, the baby was about to be born!"

And, with a mere snap of his fingers, the curtains opened again, and, he wryly commented. "Isn't that fucking trick?"

The sight that met the audience was The Wise Men - Minghao, Wonwoo and Hagen - The Three Kings - Junhui as Elvis, Woosung as Johnny Cash, and Seungcheol as John Lennon - The Three Shepards - Soonyoung, Seokmin and Seungkwan - plus their little cows and sheep all around the marriage bed and now birthing place of Ruby and Chan to the son of God, baby Jesus Christ. Along with the other's, Mingyu and Jeonghan, the Inn-Keeper and wife, were also on stage, but, Jihoon was still retired, saying he needed a sleep after his night's efforts, and, with his heart as dicky as it was, they all let him nestle up on a couch with some blankets over him back-stage by the kitchen where the heat of the aga stove within had the room nice and warm. 

The stage was now illuminated with stars, and, all in all, it was very pretty; the potted palms still stayed on set, and, all of them only noticed for the first time that they were real plants.

Joshua laughed.

As Ruby groaned and moaned, Chan somehow had got hold of a stethoscope, and, held it held to the cushion - a.k.a her pregnant tummy - that was under her frock. "Oh, Lord, your son is about to be born but why was it epidurals were only invented in the 1960's?" Ruby said.

Every woman in the audience cheered and said, "That's what our Mums said too!"

"Quickly, get bubby, get bubby, Elvis." Wonwoo whispered to Junhui who grinned.

"You like the quiff?" He asked quietly.

"Get the baby Ilsa." Wonwoo insisted. He smiled secretely. "Tell you later." He promised.

That was fine by Junhui.

Shielded by everyone else, Junhui went and retreieved the still fast-asleep Ilsa from her carrying basket, and, with a brilliant show of acting, as Chan went to check for the baby's head crowning up Ruby's frock, Junhui handed the baby to him.

"One more push, love!" Chan shouted even though the baby was being held against his chest.

"Ah!" Ruby complained, and, Mingyu held one hand and Soonyoung held the other, but, what was not acting was their expressions of agony. Thought not actually in labour or in any pain, Ruby had thought to herself that it would be a great laugh to squeeze them to within an inch of their lives. As a result, Mingyu and Soonyoung then grabbed onto the persons closest to them, for Mingyu it was Hagen, and, for Soonyoung, it was Minghao, and, well, Hagen wasn't bothered by it, strong and thick-skinned, but, then, too, Minghao's face was contorted in agony as Soonyoung squeezed his hand to within an inch of it's life.

"I'M A DAD!" Chan shouted triumphantly.

The whole church hall cheered and applauded, and, first shown to the audience by Chan was the baby Ilsa, and, then, she was placed into Ruby's arms.

"What a beautiful little baby." Dong Geun opined to Joshua, and, Joshua heard many other people in the hall say the same thing.

Everyone then cracked up laughing as all the little lambies and cows in Hagen's god-children to look at the baby, mooing and baaing gently and going, "heh-wo, baaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbyyyyyyyyy!!!"

"We came to visit the son of god and we aren't disappointed." Woosung remarked appreciatevly, taking off his black cowboy Johnny Cash hat and bowing to the baby Ilsa who now had a handful of Ruby's thick black Yoko Ono hair in her tiny chubby fist as she dreamt.

"Well, bugger me, how did you find out about my little one?" Chan put his hands on his hips.

"From the shepards." Junhui as Elvis said.

"Oh, I should have fucking known!" Chan hollered.

Everyone cracked up laughing.

Ruby bent over Ilsa a little bit, laughing softly, and, as she did, Ilsa not only woke up, but, also began to laugh, but, very small, seeing as she was only a very small baby.

The entire cast went "awh!", and, then, so did the rest of the hall. 

"She's the nicest thing that's ever lived." Mingyu opined tenderly, nursing his bruised hand.

"He." Minghao corrected Mingyu, hoping he got the point. 

"She." Mingyu pointed at Ilsa.

"No, he!" Minghao said with emphasis. The baby fucking Jesus! He mouthed snappily. Mingyu didn't get it.

"I've changed her nappy, I know what she has. "Mingyu crossed his arms defiantly.

"She's the Baby Jesus at the minute, shut up the pair of youse!" Chan told them off.

The audience laughed again, but, then, everything changed.


	11. CHAPTER ELEVEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol with the help of Jeonghan takes the breaths of every guest in the theatre hall away as he performs "Imagine", and, pays note to the humanism of Christmas, and, ultimately, the part he most wanted to do for Joshua

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this song even though what it holds in desire will never happen; human beings are absolute cunts, and, for the rest of time they shall carry on being cunts. But, using this song felt right, especially with Seungcheol already dressed as john Lennon for his role as one of the three kings, but, also, in this work we have had pagans mingling with Christians and Christians mixing unknowingly with pagans with a splosh of atheism all for the purpose of making Joshua, their friend, happy. To show the humanism of the design, what makes them all so grounded

Moments later, the lighting changed to a beautiful smouldering gold, and, lights around the edge of the stage were illuminated.

"Oh, wow." Joshua softly murmured.

The stage props for the Virgin Birth were taken away, and, Seungcheol, still dressed as John Lennon walked out into the middle of the stage. 

The wise men returned, Wonwoo carrying a chair that he put down for Seungcheol, Seungcheol then sitting in, and, Hagen pushed in a grand piano on wheels with Minghao sitting like a genie on it, smoking a cigarette in a black ivory holder. 

Joshua laughed. I can't believe he's mine, Joshua thought dreamily, remembering how Minghao's hips had gently risen up and down into his mouth in the back of Mingyu's hatchback earlier that night. He leant the side of his head against his fist, the smile lingering on his lips.

And, the sound of piano began to play.

Joshua's jaw dropped open. 

Seungcheol was playing "Imagine". 

The familiar, entrancing piano melody filled the air and the church hall.

"Imagine there's no heaven," Seungcheol sung the first line.

"It's easy if you try," His gaze moved around until he looked at Joshua, and, smiled very faintly before looking back to the piano. Joshua was so shocked because he knew that Seungcheol couldn't play the piano, and, as a result, from whatever day it was that Vernon concoted the nativity...someone had been teaching Seungcheol.

"It's easy if you try..." Joshua watched Seungcheol's lips as he sung.

"No hell below us..."

"He's quite brilliant, the boy." Dong Geun praised Seungcheol.

"Above us only sky..."

Joshua could do nothing but sit back in his seat and watch.

"Imagine all the people

Living for today

Ah ah

Ah ah ha ah

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion, too..." Seungcheol took in a deep breath and glanced up at the ceiling of the Church hall.

"Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

Yoo-hoo

Ooo-whoo-hoo

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one..." Seungcheol swallowed, his eyes slipping down to half-lids as he played the piano keys.

Joshua's fingertips touched his lips, and, not even an atom bomb could take his attention away from Seungcheol singing.

"I hope some day you will join us

And the world will be as one..."

Joshua's barely audibly gasped as Jeonghan came out onto the stage, wearing a beautiful black silk dress with spaghetti straps, black opaque tights and small black slip-on heels, with a modest back and neck and a straight frock cut, nothing scandolous or improper, with now pure blonde hair, like the palest grains of wheat, almost snowy, falling in soft, natural volume and gently twists around his face in it's curtain-part. He sat down on the seat beside Seungcheol, and, leant his head against Seungcheol's shoulder. Along with his dress he wore no make-up except a tiny bit of soft brown eyeliner and foundation, with black jersey gloves that went half-way up his upper half and a tiny diamond on the end of a sliver necklace, just below the hollow of his throat. It was impossible to tell that he wasn't a woman.

"Imagine no possesions

I wonder if you can?

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man..." Joshua watched as Jeonghan slipped one foot out of one of his heels, put it over Seungcheol's, and, each time that Seungcheol pressed down on the note pedal for the piano, Jeonghan's foot moved with him.

"Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world

Yoo-hoo

Ooo-whoo-hoo..."

Jeonghan's eyes blinked gently as he watched Seungcheol's hands play the piano.

"You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one..."

Ruby and Chan came out onto the stage and sat by the edge of the stage near the piano, cradling Ilsa, or, rather "the baby jesus".

"I hope someday you will join us..."

Soonyoung, Seokmin and Soonyoung, the three Sherpards, came out back onto stage, Seungkwan carrying the littlest of Hagen's god-children, a lamb, now fast asleep and splayed across his chest, and, from the other side of the stage came out Wonwoo on Woosung, or Johnny Cash's, arm. 

"And the world will live as one..."

As the song ended, and, they received standing ovation, Jeonghan and Seungcheol looked at each other for a few moments with tiny smiles on their mouths before they leant in and Jeonghan kissed Seungcheol's cheek.

A tear slipped down Joshua's cheek.

"This is...the best Christmas ever..." He softly spoke.


	12. CHAPTER TWELVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone basks in the afterglow happiness of their achievements and gift, particularly Joshua, at a christmas party thrown by Jihoon back at his house, and, Chan splits the night apart with a life-changing announcement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are at the end, but, it is not without one last big surprise <3

Jihoon had kept his promise to Soonyoung.

With all the money he could happily call his own, plus the £2,000,000 he had recieved in settlement from Madeleine, he had indeed thrown a quite reasonable Christmas party.

Everyone was in Jihoon's sitting room, drawing room, and sun-room, drinking, talking, laughing, and, basking in the glory of their theatre production.

Jeonghan couldn't find Joshua anywhere, so, he went upstairs to look. He found Joshua on the balcony that overlooked Seoul city and it's botanical garden and it's lake that came off Jihoon's master bedroom. Jeonghan, still dressed in his black dress, and holding a glass of champagne, padded through the bedroom and went out to the balcony. Joshua was half in his own little world, looking out over the city, a crystal tumblr of scotch in hand.

"Shua-ah?" Jeonghan said.

Joshua's head turned to the side, his eyes falling on Jeonghan. "Oh, Jeonghan, come here." Joshua immediately held out a arm for the man who was ultimately his best friend, and, Jeonghan immediately went into the embrace.

"You're happy with your Christmas present?" Jeonghan tilted his head up against the crook of Joshua's shoulder and neck to peer at some of his face.

"Very happy." Joshua rested his head on top of Jeonghan's. "It's the best Christmas ever, Hannie."

Jeonghan hummed contently.

"I love your new hair." Joshua told Jeonghan, pulling away slightly to look Jeonghan in the eye.

Jeonghan smiled happily. "Thank you." He told Joshua.

"Thank you." Joshua brought Jeonghan back into his embrace, and, they stayed like that for ages up on the balcony.

But, unbeknowest to them, a huge matter was unfolding downstairs.

Chan shrieked like a animal giving birth to a giant creature, and, rushed into the sitting room where most of them were. He came to a skidding halt, arms held out in front of him for balance, and, he was absolutely breathless.

"CHRISTINE-ELENA'S PREGNANT!" He hollered.

And, that Christmas Eve, the residence of Lee Jihoon and all the world was full of joy, bubbles, and, promise of the future to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, Haf. Love you <3


End file.
